Bloodlust (Camren)

10

Camila's POV:

I lifted my head up from my school desk at the back of the classroom. I must've fallen asleep before I finished my work. My maths book lay open in front of me but it looked more displeasing the longer I stared at it. I'm not really in the mood for maths or any kind of homework. I just need to sit. And think. About everything. About Sky, about school, about Lauren and my stupid mouth.

"Well, I want you to bite me." I say, biting my lip out of nervousness. Lauren's mouth fell and everything fell silent for what felt like forever. She tries to say something but nothing comes out of her mouth. It's like she's frozen in place and I'm a bit scared for her reaction. I've known her for barely any time at all and to be quite honest, I don't really know much about her. Our relationship seemed to consist of mainly sex and small talk. But I've never met an angry Lauren or a broken Lauren. I have no idea what she would think and I become more scared as time passes and she's still frozen.

"Lauren?" I whisper quietly, reaching for her hand. She flinches away from my touch, seeming to still be in a frozen state of mind. I bite my lip as I feel tears rise in my eyes. I don't know why I'm about to cry but the constant thought that Lauren is going to leave me now I've said that is overwhelming and I want to go back in time and reverse what I said.

Lauren has come into my life, taken away the one thing in my life I was sure of and replaced it with her. I don't know if I should hate her or love her for it. She's made me realize that there are better, easier things out there and she's made me realize that love comes in all shapes and sizes. For instance, who knew I was going to fall in love with a vampire? If you'd told me that two or three years ago, I would've laughed in your face and told you to go home because you're obviously drunk.

But I can't help but smile at the thought of Lauren. She makes me feel so happy. And I realize  that relationships aren't supposed to be only based around sex but we're only at the start of our relationship and we have a whole lifetime ahead of us for talking and getting to know each other. It's not like I want to marry her tomorrow, what's the rush?

"I-I" Lauren finally whispers but she stops herself before she can say anything more. I wait for her to continue but she doesn't look like she is anytime soon. I sigh as a tear escapes my eyes. I stand up and go over to my desk where I sit down and play with one of my pens. I remember all the times we'd made out in this very chair, all the times we'd cried over stupid movies and stupid things that kept happening, all the secrets we shared on my bed, all the times we said 'I love you' and all the times we'd ever made love. I smile to myself through my tears because now that I think about it, Sky and I had an amazing relationship and I would never regret dating her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me back then but things change and people change and sometimes we get new best things. And my new best thing is Lauren...if she'll have me.

"Please say something." I beg, holding back a sob that wants to come through my mouth. At first I hear nothing. Silence that seems so loud in this empty room. But then I hear footsteps coming over to me and I feel a hand being placed on my shoulder. I let out a sigh of relief and go to face her but something about the way she's holding my shoulder makes me stop.

"I'm sorry." Is all she says. I'm confused as I mumble out a quiet, "Why're you sorry? I'm the idiot." She chuckles slightly before speaking again.

"No...I'm the one who has to be sorry because if I'd never forced my way into your life, you wouldn't even be asking if I could...draw blood from you." She let out a quiet sob as she spoke but quickly regained herself, obviously wanting to come off as strong. "I can't...I can't do it, I can't let you go through that pain. I know you probably think it'll be a breeze and you'll feel nothing at all but you will. You will be writhing with pain, you'll be screaming out for me to stop...and you know the worst part? I don't even know if I'll be able to stop. I could end up sucking the life out of you. Do you realize how dangerous it is? Do you realize the possible outcome? I can't let you or myself go through it! I can't..." Lauren is full on crying by the time she's finished speaking and I'm biting my lip trying to hold back the tears that are trying to break free.

"I do understand that...but how are you going to survive?" I whisper, afraid that if I speak any louder my voice will break and I will crumble along with it.

"Are you fucking kidding me, right now?" She shouts. I'm taken aback by her sudden attitude change. "Are you seriously worried about me? Why? Why the fuck do you even give a shit about me?" I try reaching out for her to calm her down but she swings her arm away from me.

"Please, I care about you because you're my girlfriend!" I shout back at her, a little quieter than her.

"But you don't! If you cared about me you wouldn't have even asked that fucking question in the first place! Do you not understand how broken that's made me? And don't tell me that you were thinking about me because you weren't. You know I can survive on other people, right? Other people who don't mean anything to me...people who aren't you! People who I don't love. But I love you for God knows what reason so I am not drinking your fucking blood! I'd rather die!" Lauren yells. I thank God my parents aren't home to hear this conversation. I'm crying by the end of her rant. She's right. She's totally right. But what can I say now?

"I'm sorry." I whisper but it comes out more of a question. Lauren snorts.

"Of course you are!" She says sarcastically. I feel my heart sink because something's changed and she's not thinking about what she's saying. If she was she wouldn't have said that because it hurt. It hurts how she's angry at me.

"I am! I am sorry and I'll never ask you again, I swear!" I cry as I wipe away the tears falling from me. I probably look a mess. She's stopped crying now and so the whole thing is making me look like a baby.

"Don't cry...you have nothing to cry about." She says.

"Why are you acting like this?" I whimper. Lauren's mouth falls open in an 'are you serious?' kind of way.

"Why am I...tell me. If the roles were reversed and I asked you to bite me, how do you think you'd react, huh? After biting thousands of people and witnessing yourself how much it hurts, you can seriously ask me why I'm acting like this? You really are something aren't you?" And with that. Just like that. I barely even see her move but as soon as I blink she's gone and I finally burst into a fit of tears. Lauren just broke my heart and she probably didn't even realize.

I sigh. If I had shut my fucking mouth before anything could come out of it, Lauren would still be with me right this second. But I didn't and she's not. And I have myself to blame. She's meant to be my girlfriend and the one I love. Why the fuck did I think that I could ask her that and not have her make a scene?

She's right. If the roles were reversed, I would have acted out the same way. I just wish she hadn't left so I could tell her I'm sorry a million times. I just need her to know that I still love her and I would never dream of asking her again. She's the one...