Black velvet

Chapter 62

"You were thinking, I just want to know what was going through your mind," Olivia says in a too-calm tone.

Who the fuck cares what was happening in my head? Nothing I can control has been in my head in the last months and that's her fucking fault. I don't know who I've been or what I've been doing, not when I'm around her. But even when she's not around, there's a corner of my mind reserved for her.

"You. YOU. That's all I can fucking think about, Olivia," I say too loud.

My hands uncover my eyes, one of my fists flies to the wall, bruising and scratching my skin.

Pain. At last something I know.

"What are you doing? Stop," Olivia's panicked voice interrupts my thoughts.

Her small hands hold my waist, trying to spin me away from the wall.

My eyes shut and I turn to face her without looking. "I don't know what I did, Olivia, and I don't know how to make you believe me, I'm sorry," I confess opening my eyes.

That's it, there's no reason I did it. If there is, I don't know it. If I can't understand, I'll never get her to understand either.

Olivia's big eyes are wide open, staring into mine. I know I'll start shaking if she doesn't stop looking at me like that, so I look down at my burning fist.

A cold delicate hand holds my face up, but I'm determine not to look up.

"I believe you, I just want to understand you," she whispers, her fingers slightly tickling my stubble.

She makes me feel ten. I bite my lip and shut my eyes.

"I can't understand myself, Olivia," I whisper.

I should be telling her how lucky I am to have her, how thankful I am, but I don't. I should push her away before I drag her down with me.

"Come here," she says, her hand slipping away from my chin and I immediately miss it.

My eyes open and I watch her sitting on the bed, patting the space next to her.

Doesn't she see how fucked up I am?

I sit next to her, my legs separate and my elbows on my knees, watching the carpet under my feet.

"We didn't speak much on the way here..." She speaks starting a conversation.

I'll never comprehend what on earth goes through her mind. I have an issue facing my feelings and that shit, but Olivia's mood swings are frightening.

"No, we didn't," I mutter, my head in my hands, blocking everything out except her voice.

She sighs quietly and I feel the bed dip, I can tell she's lying back on it.

"I'm scared about not knowing what decision to make tomorrow, I was thinking about that when we were in the car," she explains.

I know she was, that's what she told me just before I answered the phone. I must admit I wasn't really paying much attention to her, I was working on my laptop.

"Even though the police will tell me the options and stuff... I won't know what to do, and it scares me," she carries on.

I wasn't really working though, I'm gonna have to work double this week to try and manage everything I should have done this weekend. With everything involving Olivia's uncle I haven't had much time, although it's nothing I regret. Olivia only really has that Tomlinson woman and she wasn't being very helpful.

"I know the most normal thing would be to press charges, but maybe he has problems, and that won't help, I guess." Her voice fills the room.

Johanna insisted on her living at the same place, like she would keep her safe. She did seem affected, but I don't understand why she wasn't being a bit more comprehensive with Olivia. Although Olivia was slightly pissed at the woman, I could tell she still adored her.