Voldemort's Pen Pal {Complete}

Ch. 3: DAYAM, VOLDY!

Dear Voldy,

Wazzup my main homie? Yeah, it's christmas, and Hazza is up to some shizzle with Umbitch. She's a bitch who made me carve 'I will not be outrageous' into my collarbone.

*cough* it would sure be HORRIBLE if something were to *cough and glances in your direction* happen to her that would potentially end her life. If I had a GIANT SNAKE, I would sure hope that *cough* my snake wouldn't *cough cough* eat her. After all, that would be a feast for my snake.

ANYHOOO, how are you doing? I've been punching Malfoy, Parkinson, Crabbe, and Goyle in their vaginas. Don't give me that look! They were asking for it by breathing.

Too loudly. Shame. On. Them. So, this is what I look like. I'm hot, I know. Here's some more MUGGLE PENS and MUGGLE IPHONES. C'mon, try it! They're amazing. Muggle stuff is really underrated. I'm a half-blood, my dad was a muggle and my mum was a pureblood. Hehe, I grew up in an orphanage. Wools Orphanage to be exact.

But it *cough cough* accidentally *cough cough* burnt down after somebody was *cough* beaten with a cane.

I have absolutely no idea who could've done that. Hehe.

It was Jennifer, I swear. My barn owl' name is Snape. I named it Snape just to annoy him. He gave me a detention.

I THOUGHT HE LOVED ME! Anyways, I got you some Reese's too. If you don't try it, I will be mortally offended. And Snape might poop on something.

Not that I'd tell him to do it or anything...

WITH LOTS OF OUTRAGEOUSNESS (screw you, Umbitch!) -Lucy

Voldemort tried not to smile as he read this, but he let a small one tug at his lips. He immediately burnt the chocolate, but kept the muggle devices. The bird in question, Snape, pooped on his paper full of muggle towns to attack.

How (le)strange... She grew up in the same orphanage as me..This 'Lucy' might not be so bad.. He thought.

Dear Lucy,

It is quite odd that you've got almost the same backround as me. I must say, I have no complaint that the orphanage was unfortunately burnt down. As for Umbridge, something may happen to her....if....You refrain from sending me any more muggle chocolate. It is filthy and disgusting. Your bird has manured on my documents, and I almost killed it.

-Lord Voldemort