Disarray. Harry Styles

thirteen✨

I met Reid when I was 19. I wasn't able to afford college so I worked in a small bakery and he came in one day asking me to make him pot brownies.

At the time I thought it was a joke. We ended up talking and I liked him. I liked his persona. Although slightly buzzed, he seemed cool to me.

We continued to talk. It didn't take me long to realize he was the rebel type. I became one of his friends very quickly. He showed me things I'd never known.

He showed me how to smoke, how to drink and how to in his opinion, live life. The problem was that I wasn't living my own life anymore, I was living his.

I followed him everywhere. I disregarded my family unless I was broke. I became friends with his friends. I did what he did. I became who he was.

I brought Louis into all this unknowingly. He was my best friend. I thought we were just having a good time. And at first we were. We'd get high together and laugh it off. But then it became getting high and jumping a kid on the metro. Or breaking into a corner store. Or forcing women to come home with us.

Annabeth was Reid's girl. She'd been particularly beautiful. She said she wanted to leave. She said she didn't want to be here. She said she had a family. So I let her go. Reid wasn't impressed with that though. He thought she ran away so he found her and shot her in the head... If I'd told him I'd let her go, he'd have shot me.

I'd gotten myself into a gang. I'd spent an entire year stuck in it before I realized what I was doing.

Louis and I let all the girls go. Reid and the others didn't like this whatsoever. They tried to kill us. We saw it coming though. We'd set up a plan with the cops. We lured them in and they got arrested...at least those who didn't get shot down in the fight. Louis shot Reid's brother and he's dead now.

Reid went to jail and so did the others that lived. Louis and I were only put on probation for a year all because we betrayed those who trusted us.

So I don't know Kristen. Who's the real bad guy?

*   *   *

She stares at her feet, slightly swaying. I want her to look me in the eyes, to tell me that she understands, to tell me that she doesn't fear me. But she doesn't.

She doesn't need to speak or to look at me for me to know that she's engulfed in fear of me right now. She doesn't need to speak or look at me for me to know that that fear probably won't ever go away. And I know this because I'm fearful. I'm scared of the person I was and the person I have the potential to be. How can I expect her to trust me when I barely trust myself?

"How old were they Harry?"

"Annabeth was 17 and Reid's brother, Nate was 20."

She shakes her head and it hurts me to see the disbelief on her face.

"Are you scared of me Kristen?" 

She doesn't answer me for a while but, then looks up at her for the first time in what seems like ages. "More so scared of the person you used to be."

She takes a deep breath. "You did so much wrong that its hard to see the things you did right. You are both to blame for the ashes of people that confided in you. How do you expect me to do the same as those poor people knowing what you did?"

She's crying now. "I know you're probably thinking that I won't let you stay with me anymore and that would be the sane thing to do but, how do you expect me to throw you out when I see that you've changed?"

"I'm an idiot for this but don't worry, you don't have my faith anymore but you do have my loyalty. I said you could stay with me and I stand by my word. Don't give me a reason to regret it. Give me a reason to applaud my decision."
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Author's notes

Here's a double update because I love you guys💗
-Ally