On a String

Chapter 20

Was Wu trying to play the 'good guy', or something? So good and proper and I'm-not-listening-to-you and I'm so much more sane and righteous and-

Kai seethed.

They were supposed to be listening to him. Not playing him! "You fools. You don't understand any of this, and yet you still have the nerve to tell me what to do! Can't you see what's wrong with that? You're deluded." ("Stop projecting your emotions, Fireboy-") "Why the hell won't you just back off and let me handle it?!"

Wu, still wearing that expression of pity, shook his head at Kai. "Stand down."

Damn him!

Damn his ignorance.

"NO." Suddenly, the gun hanging at Kai's belt was in his hand, fingers deftly flicking the safety off. "You have no idea of what this group is capable of. You don't know what they've done. But I do. And I know that no one else deserves to suffer!" He had to get out of here.

No matter what the cost. Forget everything he thought he'd figured out about 'absolutes'. He was already screwed up; there was no hope for him. He could afford to be lost; to be damaged. Pain had made him expendable. But they were still sane, still safe, and they had to stay that way. Only he could take on the gang.

He would make them see sense. No matter the price.

"Kai."

Too busy focusing and planning his next move, Kai didn't know who had spoken, nor did he care to find out.

Thinking.

Planning.

And then his hand was rising, rising, arm pulling back in a movement which was not unlike a slow elbow strike, as the barrel twisted around; lining up for the perfect shot.

(The perfect, single shot which would end it all.)

No longer calm or pitying, Wu cried. "Stand down now!"

Kai would have laughed at his panicked teacher, but the slight pressure against his temple restrained the urge to snigger. "I am getting out of here. Don't try to stop me." Ice was practically woven into his tone, and just like that, he was back in control.

And it felt good.

"Put that down, Kai!" Zane urged, his tone matching Wu's.

Kai rolled his eyes before narrowing them at the nindroid. "We're all dead if you keep getting in my way and stop me from stopping the group." He replied sharply. Matter-of-factly. And ever so slightly.... patronizingly. (After all, they really didn't know what they were doing. Did they?) "This will just save me a whole lot of pain,"

Silence greeted his words. Kai was just about to demand they move, when Jay appeared to find his voice.

"Yeah, well, if that's what you actually believe, then you're the fool, Kai." Jay shook his head. "Death won't solve this. Death won't fix you."

Kai sneered back at him. "There is nothing to fix! And it's better than living like this-"

The Master of Lightening swiftly interrupted before Kai could begin another rant. "No. It's not. You're in pain now; you've lost all your self-control. Death will just make your pain permanent. Do you want to stay in this state- taunted by all these lies- forever?"

Now Sensei Wu and Zane were nodding in agreement with Jay, and Kai could sense his fragile grip on control wavering. Desperately, he tried, "It's not like things are going to change now. And if they do, they will only get worse!"

Unfortunately for Kai, Zane chose that moment to re-enter the conversation. "You don't know that. And even if that does happen, it doesn't mean you will 'get worse'."

Jay nodded in agreement; Zane's interruption giving strength to his argument. "Yeah. Stop letting your surroundings dictate your thoughts and who you are! You can still change! You can still overcome this! It will be hard, but it will be worth it! But death will take away any hope of growth or success. Death means the group has won! If you die this way, then you're just another one of their victims. You would effectively hang yourself on their rope! This is what they wanted!"

Put like that... it made sense.

Reluctantly, hating himself for doing so, Kai paused to consider Jay's words.

[You would effectively hang yourself on their rope. This is what they wanted.]

(The $&#*$#!)

Death wouldn't be freedom. Death would not be a sacrifice, but the ultimate act of submission. And Kai would have lost everything because of it. And all he would gain was an eternity of pain; he would sentence himself to a personal hell of his own making.

Game over.

Jay was... right. Kai didn't want to admit it... but Jay, despite his passionate, pathetic, ignorant speech... was right.

And they all knew it.

And that did not bode well for Kai.

How the hell did this happen?

His grip on the gun trembled. They wouldn't let him go now. Desperately, he tried to formulate an argument, but couldn't think of anything to say. "You don't..." Kai began, but now his tone was panicked and fearful; crumbling easily, finally giving way as Zane smoothly interrupted again.

"Let us help you, Kai." Zane smiled easily, as if sensing Kai's thoughts. "Like you said, you do have a duty to stop this group. But so do we; after all we are Ninjago's protectors, too. You have knowledge, we have strength and numbers. We can help each other."

And Kai hated it. Hated them, for being so goddamn right but also so bloody ignorant. "Why should I believe that?" He challenged, but it was too late. They'd already gained far too much ground, and even worse... they were right.

...You would effectively hang yourself on their rope...

Zane gave another gentle smile, and had Kai's hands been free, he would have punched the nindroid. "You should believe it because this is exactly what happened last time. You went off on your own, and then everything fell apart. We can't afford to repeat that."

As Zane finished his little speech, Sensei Wu finally decided it was time to add his two cent's worth. "The stakes have been raised, Kai. Heroics and emotions don't matter. Not now. Not with the City's safety at stake." Their teacher shook his head, sharp eyes glinting with an unusual mix of regret and understanding. "Not with Cole's life at stake."

And slowly, hating every meter of metaphorical ground they had gained in this argument, Kai let go of the gun, all the while telling himself he'd only been acting. Trying to convince them to let him go.

He hadn't been serious about-

-The gun. He'd only been acting.

He HAD.

It was just an act.

Just to gain control.

There was no way he would have actually pulled the trigger and ended it all... right?