Her, To Home

Chapter#06

He couldn't breathe.

God, he couldn't breathe.

Did he even need to breathe when right now, right there, he was in the perfection? He was in a time which he could give his soul to stand still. How he wished it would stand still. He has waited to do this for a week, a week of waiting and he forgot why he was not supposed to do this, why he was not supposed to kiss Sara O'Brian.

His lungs were on fire, his lips were blazing from her touch. His heart racing so fast that he was slightly panting. He wanted her closer, he wanted her nearer, she had possessed him, bi-witched him.

He griped her tighter against himself and moved his lips faster. He just wanted to breath her in.

But the moment ended too soon, too fast, Sara pulled away and yet her face was too near, he was going crazy. He still couldn't breathe.

"Why do you do this to me?" She whispered. He noticed her face, her expressions. She looked tired, exhausted. From what? With what?

"Do what?" He asked without moving an inch away from her. Her eyes on him were burning him, making his heart race.

"Love me and yet leave me." That was all she could mumble before her eyes dropped and she crashed in his arms.

He stood there, body stilled, staring down at the beautiful girl in his arms. He felt a stab in his heart yet again, why does he love her and then leave her?

This was her question; this was what she wanted to know. She asked one question, the question which held the answer in itself.

Why does he love her and then leave her, she had asked.

He left her because he loves her was his answer.

He has loved her so much that he tortured himself. It was him, he himself punished himself by staying away from her, he has killed his heart while staying away from her. He has lived in hell for two years but yet he asked himself, was it worth it, staying away from her for protecting her? Was it worth it after watching how much it has hurt her, how much it has hurt both of them?

They might have survived; they would have survived without each other but they couldn't have lived. He has spent two years barely just going on and he have seen what it all have done to her, it showed in her eyes, the tiredness, the pain.

He has punished her along with himself. She wasn't even sure if he was alive, if he was okay. She needed him and he wasn't there. Whole her life, he was there like a shadow and when she had needed him the most, he stood watching from afar, controlling the urge to run to her. But he knew, where he was always watching her from last two years, someone was watching him from longer.

Who had his suspicious, who had his doubts about what Sara O'Brian had meant to Dean Lockwood? Someone who wanted, needed to find Dean's weakness, anything which can make him overpower Dean. Someone who would have played Sara in a game she couldn't have survived and would have mocked Dean into playing it and he knew, Dean knew, he would have lost without thinking, without consideration because losing for Sara O'Brian was a win itself.

He put her head on his chest and hugged her, breathing in her scent which was driving him crazy. His lips linger on her forehead and then he carefully picked her up in his arms and sat down on the cold floor, waiting for the rain to stop.

He buried his face in the side of her neck, inhaling the breath which surrounded her. How long have he waited to do this again, to rest his head next to her while she was in his arms. He has spent too long with sleeplessness, restlessness. He wasn't safe, he wasn't home.