Collision (Carl Grimes gay fanfiction)

Chapter 19: The Good and The Bad

Carl's POV-

Nowhere. Nowhere at all in this stupid house. He's not in here. I'm trying not to let my nerves get the best of me, but that is really hard when they're already in control. I'm just going from room to room, looking for Tyler, even though I already know that he is not in this house.

I should have stayed with him. I never should have left. In fact, we never should have taken Richard with us. Tyler still had hope that he could find good in people, but I think that's a blind sight from this point on. Stupid. I should have tried harder to convince him.

I finally stop in the last room - a children's room. He's not here. He's gone. My knees drop to the ground and I stop thinking altogether to focus on Tyler. His warmth isn't here anymore. His protection isn't here anymore. He's not here with me anymore.

I keep staring at the wall in front of me, knowing that I'm not the only one that is panicking for his safety. He has his own family and friends that have known him longer than I ever did.

I can even hear it now. Joey is in the room next to the one I'm in. I can hear his crying 'cause of the fact that his brother is gone. Right now, I'm not as sad as I am mad, but I know more or less of what he's going through. If we don't find Tyler, that means Emily and Joey will only have each other as family. It'll be the same depressing and angry feelings that we always get when we lose someone. I know what its kike, but someone as young as Emily shouldn't deal with it.

This only makes me even angrier. I was so stupid. How could I forget that he has a family that highly depends on him? If anything bad does happen to him, I won't forgive myself. Not for my sake, but for Emily's and Joey's. I should've been the one that stayed behind. Not him. But I couldn't just leave Judith all alone either. Tyler would also just beat himself up if I was gone and nowhere to be found.

I shake off these thoughts and pick myself up to see how bad Joey is doing. I walk over to the other room and from the hallway, I see Joey on his knees facing a window. The crying stopped, but it's obvious that he's still pretty upset. I can't help but take all the blame for it.

"What did he tell you?" He asks. I haven't even walked into the room. I'm barely even at the door and he can tell it's me. Emotional or not, he's still alert.

"Uh, wh-what do you mean?" I don't really understand his question, but I hope he doesn't think that Tyler would leave us.

Joey gets up and wipes his tears away from me to see and then faces me. I'm a little scared now because even though he was crying, his face is obviously filled with anger. More than mine actually. I'm scared that he will just throw all his punches at me, but I would probably deserve it anyways.

"What did he tell you before you left?" The question is now stern and his eyes are not helping.

Oh, I get it know. He just wants to know what Tyler's "last words" are. But he's not dead. I don't get why he wants to hear Tyler last words, but I don't go against it.

I think back to what Tyler said last to me. I try not to mention all the things that were personal between me and Tyler. Even though they are brothers, I'm not sure Tyler wants me to say anything just yet about whatever we are. "Uh, he just told me that I should get all of you. That the man who attacked us, Richard, should have at least gotten some sort of chance to either still live or get help or something. So he thought my dad would be the best to make whatever decision for him."

His face softens up a bit and I see another tear shine from one of his eyes. He doesn't let if fall though. Joey wipes it away violently and falls onto the bed.