Mad Love (Destiel AU)

Chapter 1

(Deans POV)

I woke up today.  That's about all I have going for me.  Well not all, I guess.  I am a pretty successful reporter for the Lawrence News, and I have a interview coming up for a World News reporting job.  I have my younger brother Sam.  We don't talk much.  He goes to school in another state, and he has friends.  He has no reason to keep up with his freak of a brother.  He is in his last year of college, he is planning on attending Stanford next semester; he is going to become a lawyer.  I helped put him through school, hell I practically raised him.

Thinking of this makes me have flashbacks of my childhood.  We used to live in Sioux Falls.  It was my Mom, Dad, me, and Sam.  My mom passed away when I was 4.  Sam was only a few months old.  After she passed, my Dad began to stop taking care of me and Sam.  I raised him from the time he was a baby, til I left home, but I still supported him.  He was going to be something good, and have a happy, normal life.  Dad on the other hand began to drink about the time I was 6.  He started beating me every time I did something wrong or just didn't do something he liked.  When I was 8 he started touching me.  At first it wasn't that bad, it was better than the constant beatings.  Then one day he came home drunk and raped me in front of Sam.  Sam didn't know what was going on, I made sure he never had to witness it again.  Dad continued to molest and beat me all throughout my teenage years.

By the time I got to highschool I was depressed and had severe social anxiety.  The other kids at school would make fun of me, especially when I would have my episodes.  If a teacher touched me by accident I would have a nervous breakdown.  I would scream and cry.  I spent many days in the bathroom stall, trying my best to stop the outbursts.  I would try and make friends but no one wanted to be seen hanging out with psycho boy.  I had made a friend named Charlie, she was great.  I confided in her, and she tried her best to help me.  She was a little weird, always talking about plants and nature, how they deserved to be loved.  But I loved her reguardless.  She moved away right before our junior year ended.

My senior year the football team began to torment me the most.  The quarterback tried to gain my trust and act like he wanted to be friends.  It was all just a prank, but I didn't know about it.  He sat at lunch with me, text me, and even invited me to his house to hang out.  I thought I had my first friend since Charlie left.  I thought that perhaps my life was starting to get better.  This ended one night after a football game when he asked me to come meet him at the locker room.  He and two other teammates were there, waiting for me.  They beat me and forced me to give them oral sex.  I had no choice in the matter, I begged them not to.  They mocked me, and said that I wasn't doing it because "daddy wasn't the one making me". That mentally shattered me.  When they were done beating me they left me sickened, bleeding, and humiliated on the floor. When I got home and told my Dad what happened, he beat me for being gay.  I guess being sexually assaulted by another male is only ok when he does it. That was the night I began self harm.  Cutting my wrist.  I even attempted suicide by taking sleeping pills, it didn't work, I threw them all up.

That beating by my dad had a horrible effect on me.  I didn't ask for the guys to make me do that act.  I never really thought about my sexuality before that.  I didn't have any interest in anyone at school.  I mean my dad sexually abused me, I freaked when anyone came in contact with me.  But when I turned 18, and got a job I met a guy at work who didn't view me as a freak.  He thought I was cool.  I really liked him.   He helped me through my episodes and even got me into therapy.  He was a great guy, but he didnt feel the same way, he just felt sorry for me.  We had been friends for about a year when he was killed in a bank robbery, he was getting out money for my therapy bill.  My dad came to the funeral, only to tell me that  I would see my "boyfriend" again in hell.  I couldn't take it after that.  My abuser acting so high and mighty, so righteous.  He was the reason I am the way I am.

So I left Sioux Falls.  I started college and got a job at the local news station.  I still sent money for Sam, who I had sent to go live with our uncle Bobby.  We still visited each other on Christmas and his birthday( I don't celebrate mine). He even thanked me when he graduated top of his class from highschool, for all I did for him.  I don't know what ever became of my dad, but I don't really care either.  I just hope I never run into him again.  I don't think I would be able to handle that.  I majored in journalism, I found out when I got my job at the local news station that I was pretty good at reporting, when I had to fill in for a sick reporter one time.

Here I am now.  Waking up in my empty apartment.  Just me, myself, and I.  I am 26 years old.  The number one reporter for Lawrence news.  I  still suffer from depression and attacks.  I am absolutely terrified of having an episode at work.  I get out of bed and start getting ready.  I hop in the shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, fix my hair, and head toward the station.

Ready to start the day pretending to be a big shot reporter, when really I'm just the same scared, freak on the inside.