You're Making this Harder for Me

Do you truly want me to Die?

Jonathan's POV

It was two in the afternoon when I woke up again and I was surprised to see Sock still asleep. He was sprawled out on my bed, and his mouth was slightly open. His beanie had also fallen off while we were asleep so his crazy hair was sticking up. I smirked at the sight and got out of bed. Since I didn't want to wake him up, I brushed my teeth and went downstairs.

I decided I'd make Mac & cheese. It was a favorite growing up, but the only reason I started buying it again was because Sock liked it so much. I put the water to boil and sat on the counter.
I didn't even notice Sock phase through the ceiling until he was right in front of me. "So Jonny boy" he yawned. "You should totally kill yourself today when you get the chance." He sat beside me rubbing his eyes. "Just saying."

I felt my fists clench. Over the past few weeks, I had grown very annoyed with those words. "I'm afraid I'm not going to have the chance to do that today or any other day. Zip it" I told him.
"Ehh I'll try again later. Whatcha makin?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. Did he not realize that it didn't matter how many times he "tried" I wasn't just going to kill myself? I mentally scoffed. "Mac & cheese." I answered. "Yes! My favorite!" he beamed.
"Yeah I know." I told him. "Go get us some sodas."
"You got it." he smiled.

We ate in silence, but that was a good sign. One, because everything was quiet and two, because it meant Sock enjoyed his food. If he talked throughout meals, then he hated whatever had been served.

"So Jonathan" he said with a mouth full. "I'm not killing myself. Chew with your mouth closed. It's disgusting when you don't." I interrupted.
He swallowed and stared at me. I continued eating. "You sound bothered" he said matter-of-factly. "If you were dead you wouldn't ha-"
"Sock just drop it!" I yelled tossing my dish in the sink. "I've made it clear multiple times that I'm not going to kill myself. I have no reason to so you're wasting your time. Seriously either shut up and eat your macaroni, or leave and don't come back." I cut him off.

Sock flinched and his face fell. I have always showed my irritation, but I've never actually yelled at him unless it was to get out of my room or bathroom. He finished eating and rinsed his bowl. We were quiet for a good solid ten minutes before he broke the silence. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked. His voice was quiet and he was fidgeting with his fingers. I didn't know how to answer.

I had struggled a lot with depression before Sock came around. To the point where I had thought about ending it all. Life for me had become meaningless, but I did my best to suck it up and keep moving forward .
As soon as Sock levitated into my life, it became so much easier to do that. He made the little things interesting and he was entertaining.

When I found out he was sent to talk me into suicide, I was angry. Sock being here, meant the person that sent him here thought I was weak. That I was so low in life, I'd be better off dead. That I'd just give up. That's what bugged me about this situation.
Not killing myself, was me proving to that person I was stronger than they thought, and that I was worth something.

I decided to ignore Sock's question and instead asked him one. "Well, do you really think I should die?"
"Yeah you should. Then my job will be complete. If you kill yourself, I have a happy boss." he immediately answered. "No Sock. I mean, do you want me dead? Not for your job or for whoever assigned you to me, just you. Do you really think I should end my life? Give up? Force myself to stop breathing forever?" I asked. "Do you truly want me to die?" Sock froze and I knew he hadn't expected these questions.

Despite his reaction, I was really nervous for his answer. I didn't hate Sock. I felt the opposite actually. I had grown very fond of the him these last three months. To be completely honest, the only thing that bugged me was when he'd tell me I'd be better off dead. That was it.

Other than that, I secretly liked being with him as he figured out what he could do as a demon. I liked holding in my laugh in class as he did strange things around my teachers and I liked making him food. I enjoyed sharing my music with him, and watching scary movies with him.

I was emotionally attached to him. Maybe as a best friend. One that hopes you die for demon assigned reasons, but still. He was around when no one else was. My mom didn't do those things with me. Hell, she didn't even know anything about me and we lived in the same house! My dad...
Well I hadn't seen him since I was three. The only reason I knew what he looked like was because of pictures.

I was far from popular in school. Even more now because everyone thought I was crazy. I never had a lot of friends growing up, and I didn't have any in high school now. Sock was the only person I talked to. Despite the whole "kill yourself thing", I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy his company.

He would tell me to kill myself in such a lazy and playful way, that it was hard to believe I should actually do it. If he had really meant it all this time... this entire time we had grown to be what I believed as friends...
It would crush me. I'd just never show it.

"Jonathan I..." he paused. "I'm sorry I have to go." he said. He phased through the wall and I didn't know what to think. He avoided my question by running away. I wanted to punch something. I went upstairs and threw on my headphones.

Four hours had passed and he didn't return. I decided to make myself dinner and watch a movie. I left a plate in the microwave for my mom if she came home, but I had a feeling it was pointless.
I watched another movie and it was around midnight when I finally fell asleep.