Secretly His

~Chapter 20~

|Tanaé|

"Michael I'm just not ready. All I want from you is for you to be the father my kids deserve. I can't be with you. I don't want to say I hate you but if we were to be in here living like a family, I would start to resent you. I don't want that. Let's just take one step at a time. That starts with the kids. Be here for them."

"Bella please."

"Michael I can't. I just want to focus on me and fixing me. I gave you my heart and you didn't just break it in half. You have completely demolished it. I have to fix that first."

He got up from the chair and gave Eden to me.

"Ugh!! Okay. Fine. I'll give you room...for now. Just remember that you will always and forever be mine." He kissed my forehead.

"I will bring Riley back around dinner time. We are going to hang out."

He left the room before I got a chance to say anything.

Eden started crying right when he left. Ugh! Seems like I got a daddy's girl on my hands.

"What should I do love bug? What should mommy do?"

She just kept crying looking towards the door. Luckily Christian is a soft sleeper.
**
It was 7pm and Michael dropped Riley off at home. This time there wasn't any begging it was like we were just civil co-parents. This must be a good thing.

"Mommy?" Riley looked up from his plate of food.

"Yes munchkins."

"Why papá not stay?"

"He will be back tomorrow morning. He's going to take you to school. Is that okay?"

"Yes. We had so much fun today. We ate pizza and went to the park. There people taking pictures of us to."

I don't know how I feel about the pappazri being involved. I know that this will bring them into my life now though. I hopefully can just try and give the kids and myself a normal life.

"That's good baby. Riley, do you want mommy and papá to live together?"

"Yes." Well damn.
**
It's been a couple of days since the whole thing with Michael and he's honestly staying true to his word. He doesn't pressure me to do anything sexual and he's here for the kids everyday. In the morning he feeds the twins and takes Riley to school, he picks Riley up, then at night he helps with getting the twins down for night. Then he leaves.

I decided that I want to go see a therapist just to start that healing process because I'm still hurt.
**
"So what can I do for you today Ms. Wilson?" I was on the couch talking to the therapist.

"I don't know. I need fixing. I hoping you could do that for me."

"I don't fix people darling. That's not in my job description. All I do is mediate you through your own self healing and fixing."

"Okay doc well can we start. I'm desperate need of something."

She was an older lady and I liked that. She had experience through life.

"Well okay. Tell me about you. How is Tanaé?"

"I'm 27. I have three kids. I own my own boutique."

"Ok that's all great. How are YOU though. What is Tanaé all about?"

"I just told."

"No you told be about you. I want to know who you are."

"Lady...what the hell is the difference." This is not what I'm spending my money on.

"Give me three words that describe you."

"Uh...smart, loyal, and caring."

"That's the difference. Saying I'm smart is different than I'm 27."

Ok she got me there.

"Why do you feel like you need to be fixed?"

"Because. I can't move on in my life if I don't the shit that has held me down."

"Move on with what? Life? Relationships?"

"Both."

"Ok, well what holding you back? What exactly are you trying to move on from?"

"I can't decide weather if I want to be involved with my husband anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know where to begin. There's so much emotion with that."

"Start for the beginning. What brought up these emotions."

"Whelp. Basically I just found out that the past four years I've spent married have been a complete lie. I just out that he has had an entire family in New York. I'm not talking just a mom and dad. Nope. He has a fiancée as well. Let's not forget, this whole time, we weren't even legally married."

"That's definitely a lot to take in. How didn't you know about his other family?"

"From day one, he told me that he was the only child and his parents died. I was under the impression that he didn't have a family. I had no reason to think differently. Besides he's in the tabloids a lot and they never mention family. So with that being said I just didn't look into it."

"So I see the hurt and pain yet your here saying that you don't know if you want to cut ties with him. Why is that?"

" I don't know. I feel like if I leave, then I will be failing my kids. I have two newborns that will never have the chance to have both parents in the house as one family, then my oldest son, he knows that something is up. I feel like I can't be the one that leaves."

She was silent for a couple minutes just looking at me. It was making me a little uncomfortable. I really hate opening up about my feelings.

"You haven't talked about how staying in this relationship with him will benefit Tanaé.  What will Tanaé get out of it?"

"I don't know doc. I can't just leave. I do actually love him. I would've never been "married" to a man that I didn't love."

"Okay. So then why are you here?"

"Because though I love him, I can't open up. I've been through so much to just trust him again."

"I have a feeling that this is a bit deeper than your telling me. Tell me about your childhood."
***
Chapter End