being cheated on (moving on)

the moment you find out

you honestly don't know what the fuck you're feeling, but in your head you're just like "but this is the same person who said they would never leave me like my mother did or never ignore me like my father did." the only colors you're seeing are red and black. and you want to cry but you also want to rip their fucking head off for lying to you. you, the only person who had their back when their drunken father would call him names and would treat him like dirt. but you put him up on mount everest because he was everything to you and now you're nothing to him. you never understood why anyone would ever cheat on the one's they love. you never will. it's this fucking heart wrenching feeling and you feel your throat burning with anger. your heart is even more on fire and not the kind he caused when he said he loved you at 5 a.m. "i love you."
So fucking dramatic. It wasn't even love. When I first said I love you to you, I didn't mean it but I felt pressured to say it because you were "waiting on a response back." At least when Bryce fucking first said I love you to me he said it in person and not through a text, he said it and even though I didn't say it back right away he still smiled at me and we continued just sitting there cuddling and talking, he still kissed me the same, he didn't mention that I didn't say it back yet, but 20 minutes after he said it I did say it back because he did not pressure me into saying it. He let me go at my own time. HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. HE IS BEAUTIFUL.