Jeff The Killer's RANT Book !

4

Anyone familiar with a horror movie called Alice In Wonderland ?

Wait , first , let me tell you how i was introduced to it .

Last night , i was watching this family . They lived in a huge house , but here's the catch , it was in the middle of the woods . I soon learned that they were only spending two weeks here . Sort of a vacation in their house near the lake , and away from all the commotion of the city .

There's the mom , a fat lady with sagging boobs , a huge ass and a friendly smile that makes me want to throw up . The dad , a thin man with white hair and hideous clothes , he seemed to love his wife very much which also made me want to throw up . They had a 13 year old boy called Johnny , brown hair , brown eyes and an obsession with video games and finally , a 16 year old girl named Ally , who's obsessed with Alice in Wonderland . She literally wore blue and white every day with a black bow on her head just to match the character in the movie . She's a 16 year old girl that has pictures of creepy cats on her pjs . I liked the cat though , with his huge smile . Seemed like my kind of pet .

Anyway , i've had enough of watching them so i decided to kill them
Just cause i was getting bored and shit .

I waited an hour after they all went to
Bed , then i snuck in through an open window on the first floor . I looked around for the stairs and when i finally found them climbed up to where i knew i'd find their bedrooms . I decided to start with the parents . Why ? Just seemed like the smart choice .

I walked inside the dark room , the two oldies were soundly asleep in their bed . The old man had his arm around his wife . Her head lay on his chest , and if i had a heart i'd go all : AWWW THAT'S SO CUTE ! But i don't so i focused on the best way to kill them . After a minute of contemplation i put my hand on the woman's mouth squeezing it shut .
Her eyes shot awake in panic , she tried to wiggle but not enough to wake her husband . I slit her throat , she choked a bit and finally died. Then i did the same to the old man , leaving them in their " cuddling" position on the bed . At least they died in each other's arms .

Next i went for the boy . I took the thick roll of duck-tape out of my pocket and silently walked into his room . I put the duck-tape on his mouth but he didn't wake up . When i carried him over my shoulder , that's when he woke up but he didn't make too much noise due to the fact that he had tape on his mouth . I threw him out the window from the second floor . And just to be sure he was dead , i pushed the heavy desk to the window and managed to throw it out . I heard his bones crack under the weight . The sound almost aroused me .

I thought the girl would be awake by now , with all the noise , but no , she had her earphones in her ears and was soundly asleep . I'm gonna have some fun with her .

I didn't bother silencing her . Since everyone around was already dead . I grabbed her ankles and dragged her right out of bed . She was sleeping on her stomach so that must've really hurt her boobs but who cares ?

She screamed and cried and wiggled and fought and really , she just looked hilarious . Hilariously helpless .

I dragged her down the stairs , her stomach must hurt now too , then outside , she'll get dirty because of the mud , and down to the lake .

I flipped her over and let go of her legs . She cried . I laughed .

" What do you want from me ?" She stammered .

" not much " i answered smiling " just your life ."

Before she could react , i reached for the back of her shirt and dragged her closer to the lake , dunking her head in the ice cold water and holding her neck down so she can't get back up for air . She gave up the fight as quickly as her mother did and died . I checked her pulse to be sure , there wasn't any so i threw the rest of her in the lake and went back to the house .

I looked for food in their kitchen and ended up making myself some noodles . I went to the living room and searched for a movie to watch . The only horror movie they had was something called " Alice in Murderland" kind of makes sense considering the daughter's obsession .

So i put the movie in the DVD player, got myself a bottle of Vodka from the kitchen and watched while eating my noodles and drinking my alcohol and Oh my fucking shit that movie was horrible !

The acting was so awful , i don't even know how to fucking describe it . It was sort of like they were just reading stuff off of a script , not really acting just out-loud reading .

The killing scenes were so pathetic . And don't even get me started on the jaberwalky costume . Everything was cheap , even the humor sucked ass .
And speaking of ass , the girls in the movie wore costumes so
Short you could literaly see half their asses half the time .

Like ok they're young and shit , but do they really have to be whores ? Like all of them ? Why is that ?

And don't get me started on how obvious the identity of the killer is !!!

It's like , boom someone gets killed and boom Kat is nowhere to be found at the same time of the crime . Humm... I wonder who the killer might be .

And not to mention that one blonde that for some reason hates the main character , who's name is Alice by the way -surprise surprise- and is suppose to be a college student , looks like an old lady . Oh
And she dates Alice's ex . I smell a cougar in town .

And in the end , after like an hour and something of wasting my time , the obvious killer gets killed by Alice while she's trying to kill Mallory .
It was soo cheesy i wanted to plug out all of the characters eyeballs .

Someone's knocking on the door . Don't people know better than to interrupt me while i'm updating my rant book ?

I looked through the peep-hole , it was a young man , the girl's
Boyfriend . I didn't open the door . Her cellphone started ringing . I answered it , and waited for him to speak .

" Come on you stupid bitch , i wanna fuck you . Open the damn door ."

Wow just wow , i think i'm gonna open the door and teach that little punk some manners .