What Remains (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 4

"Carter," he suddenly heard behind him. He turned to where the voice came from and found Alyssa standing behind him. He wasn't sure what to say to her. Act normal? As if he hadn't seen her with Josh?

"Hey," Carter greeted her quietly and flashed her a faint, sad smile. "What did you want to talk about?"

Alyssa walked up to him and sat down on the wood of the dock, her feet dangling in the air and barely touching the water with her toes. "I just want to clarify the situation. What you just saw was probably a bit... shocking," he said, her hair swaying in the wind.

Carter went to sit down next to her, his dipping the toes of his shoes in the sea water. "Shocking is quite fitting, yeah," he said and looked out at the ocean. He bit his lip, wanting to know what was really going on but at the same time he didn't. He came back hoping that everything would go back to normal for him, to be back with his friends and to be with Josh again after so long. He didn't understand what happened in those five years that had suddenly changed so much. Of course he understood that everyone grew up and that things would be partly different, but he had at least expected Josh to still be the same.

"Listen," Alyssa said to break the silence. "After you left, Carter, Josh was really lonely. You were his best friend and nobody would ever get as close to him as you did. I tried everything to make him feel better. Pax, Melanie, Chris and I went out with him. He was... miserable without you," she said.

Well that certainly made Carter feel better. Of course he knew that Josh must have felt lonely. He felt lonely himself as well when he was still in Minnesota. Though that didn't change his personality.

"About a month ago, when he was finally doing better, we got the news that you were coming back. We thought Josh would be happy again. That he would finally be his old, happy self again. But, it actually got worse. He said he couldn't care less. It made us so worried and confused. From that moment, it was mostly Josh only really talking to me. I guess you can say that I fell in love with him eventually."

Carter wasn't sure what to think of this story. He felt bad for leaving Josh, he really did. But it wasn't his choice. And he was back now so what was still the problem? Why did it only get worse when the news of Carter's return came out? Carter's mind got filled with questions but decided to listen to Alyssa's story before asking them.

"So... one day I kissed him, and we started going out. He has been doing better ever since. We decided to keep it private for the time being, though. His request. I guess he still wants to take things slowly, which is something I understand." Alyssa turned to Carter and gave him a small smile. "I love Josh. I really do. I'm not as close to him as you were to him, but I really do care about him. I'm trying to help him get better. That's what you want as well, isn't it?"

Carter chewed the inside of his cheek and remained silent. "I guess," he said. Though it still wasn't okay for him. He felt jealous. So jealous, all of a sudden. There were things Alyssa didn't know. He had the urge to tell them, but at the same time didn't want to. This was still Alyssa. His best friend besides Josh. Carter was afraid to hurt her if she knew the truth. And besides that, it wasn't Carter's place to tell her personal things about Josh like that. He gave a soft sigh and looked up at the sky.

"Does Josh hate me?" he asked. "Does he hate me for leaving him behind?"

"I don't know," Alyssa said. "I don't think so. You know Josh, he doesn't hate people that easily."

Carter wasn't reassured by that answer. By the way Josh spoke to him, it did seem as if he hated him. He gave a sigh before he raised to his feet. "Listen, I should leave. I still need to go to the supermarket for my mother," he said.

Alyssa also stood up and put a hand on Carter's shoulder. "Carter," she said. "You're still one of my best friends. You know that, right? I know it' probably strange to see Josh and I like that, but I hope you'll be able to support us."

As much as he wanted to, Carter knew he couldn't. If Josh was genuinely in love with Alyssa, then he would give his full support. But something was off with him. He couldn't support a lie. Though he gave his friend a smile along with a nodding head. "I will. It's just a lot to take in," he said. "Look, I'll see you around, okay?"

Alyssa returned his smile with a genuine one. "Of course! We need to celebrate that you're back after all. I'll call Chris to see if he can pick us up with his car so we can go out in Hayland. Sounds good?"

"Sounds great," Carter agreed. Going out with his friends would probably do him good. He had missed everyone, after all. "I'll see you later."

Carter gave Alyssa a wave as goodbye before walking away, running a hand through his hair. He had hoped that this talk with her would clarify the situation for him, but it only left him with more unanswered questions.