Nikki Potter: A Heart's Choice

Chapter twelve

Tears prickled in Nikki's eyes as she stared at Severus, she wanted to tell him so badly, but she didn't know how “You don't want to know why, trust me on this, please.” replied Nikki in a pleading voice, she didn't want him to keep pushing it.

Frustration grew inside of Severus, he didn't get why she looked so scared and kept avoiding the question “What happened to last year when you were able to be around me without seeming uncomfortable or acting like you hated me. I had thought things were going to get better, why are you starting this again?” questioned Severus, his voice getting slightly louder.

While crossing her arms, Nikki adverted her gaze. Her heart was beating against her chest, and her eyes burned “ I don't want anything to change, things were just starting to get better and I just can't handle things getting worse again” Nikki forced out.

Severus shut his eyes tightly, he tried to rack his brain for anything that could be bad enough to change things and was something she didn't want to talk about. He opened his eyes and stared at Nikki and shook his head “Just tell me what is going on, don't keep hiding this from me!” shouted Severus, making Nikki jump back slightly.

Nikki opened her mouth slightly, her words got stuck in her through, she struggled to speak. She couldn't believe what she was about to say “ Do you really want to know why I can't be around you?” she questioned at last, her eyes full of tears and fright.

A confused look crossed Severus' face, but he nodded, the serious look on her face made him worried. And when a tear rolled down her cheek, he gently touched her face and wiped the tear away with his thumb. He was starting to fear what she was going to say.

The world seemed to slow down around Nikki, the only sound she could hear was her heart beating loudly in her head “I” began Nikki, her voice shook and her breath was uneasy “I love you” she choked out “Is that what you really wanted to hear? Is that what you wanted me to say?” she asked as another tear fell.

Severus felt the color leave his face, those words were foreign to his ears, he couldn't recall a time someone who told him before. He was almost unsure if he heard her correctly, but by the look in her eyes, something told him he did hear her right.

Nikki's breath stayed uneven and shaky, while her body felt like jello “ That's why I didn't want to tell you, why I've been trying to stay away from you.” explained Nikki, with tears slowly rolling down her face “This is all so new to me, and I'm scared.” she added.

Though he heard her speak, Severus couldn't seem to say anything back. It was like his brain had stopped working, maybe even as if the world had shut down or possibly as if everything had been put on pause.

“I” began Nikki, finally able to look away, and she used her fingers to gesture to where she was heading before all of this “ Need to go, I need some..” she continued, before pulling her hand away from Severus and running to where she was heading before.

Nikki walked until she reached the lake, it wasn't until then that she fell to her knees and gripped the sides of her head. How could she be so stupid? How could she say that? When she didn't even know how he even felt about her?

She never felt so stupid, so embarrassed, so afraid of what he would say in her entire life. Severus was the first person outside of her family that she ever told she loved, the first person she truly had feelings for, the first person she fell in love with.

Even the realization of the fact that she was in love with Severus scared her to death, it terrified her to know that someone as shunned by the world, who her brother hated, who had loved one of her best friends could make her feel that way.

And telling Severus that Nikki was in love with him, was nothing like she imagined it being like, it was completely different than in the books she read. It wasn't romantic like the books said, it didn't end with some passionate kiss.

It didn't even have the part where he said he loved her too, where they stared into each others eyes, or where he would hold her in his arms after the kiss. It was just her saying she loved Severus, while he stood there like a statue.

I'm so stupid for even telling him, I should've just kept it to myself and lied to him, it would've made things so much easier thought Nikki, only a small part of her knew she had to do it or she probably would never do it.

And now that she said it, she had no idea if Severus hated her, or if he wanted her to stay far away from him as possible. She had no idea what would change now that happened, or what will keep changing from now on.