The Secret Lives of Fireflies

A Puppy

The first was of me holding my arm up and flexing my muscles and half of my face. It was too high up to even see the curve of my breast, just the strength in my arm and shoulder and the fierceness in my eye. The second was almost the opposite. I was in a pair of plaid boxers and my arms were crossed over my chest, I remembered pressing down pretty firmly and checking to make sure I was completely covered. Staying in shape had helped me keep my chest relatively small, a C, and it wasn't hard to do some minor edits to the picture to fix it up the way I wanted. The picture stopped just below my chin, showing off my tight stomach and collar bones and defined muscles.

And the last picture? By far my favorite.

It was a full body picture of my naked self, but I was facing away from the camera so that all that could be seen was my ass, spectacular back, legs, and freshly cut hair. It was almost as short as a buzz on the back and sides with a little more on the top. I was standing in front of a window (I had made sure to use the window facing y backyard at 11 in the morning on a Tuesday, when all my neighbors were at work) and the light was streaming in and onto me. I was leaning against the wall, a coffee mug in my hand with steam still coming from it.

If I had to be completely honest, I would have thought it was a man.

The hair, the strong back muscles, the few curves. Of course my hips were wider than most men, but there were plenty of men with wider hips (Chris Pratt for example) my ass didn't have a particularly feminine look to it either.

I didn't mind, I had been mistaken for a man plenty of times throughout my life, it was just a normal thing, no big deal, that didn't take away from my love of this picture. If anything it added to it. Something special about me being able to look like this, even when I didn't see it looking at myself, as an outsider I saw a man. And there was something enticing about that. Something that didn't have a name and couldn't be described. I just liked it. It was a good photo.

The pictures were uploaded quickly, and with only a little hesitation I reblogged them onto my personal blog as well. I did this sometimes, not often, but with pictures I was very proud of.

Minutes later a little notification popped up, saying I had a message.

I almost didn't check it. Lately I'd been getting more "Hi, Darling, I Saw Your Cool Blog And I Think You Could Help Me With My New Video Game, If You Could Just Go To My Blog And Click On The Link It Would Be Appreciated!" bullshit messages trying to give my computer some form of virus. It had become quite tiring and my enthusiasm for seeing a message had run dry after realizing I seemed to only get these.

But I checked anyways, because I had to delete it.

Instead I saw something else.

"Hey man! Those pictures look great! I was wondering what your workout routine is like? I started hormones not long ago and I'm looking to build up some serious muscle now! If you've got any advice I'd love to hear it!"

What the hell?

Hormones?

What did that have to do with muscles?

In fact, what did hormones have to do with anything?

And who the hell started hormones? Is that something I was supposed to do but the doctor didn't give it to me?

I clicked on his URL, curious to see if I could get any more information. And there it was, right in his description.

"Hi everyone! My name is Koda! I'm a transguy living in Seattle, I started T about a month ago (wow, in a month that's going to be kind of dated isn't it? I should probably put the date up instead, huh?) If you guys have any questions, feel free to shoot me a message!"