Last year, I thought my love for her will fade away soon. But it went opposite. Which is tough for me. Right now, I can't do something about it. You know, seeing her once a day or twice a day is completely not enough. Being with her for an hour, or a couple, is still not really enough. Because I want to be with her for the whole time. I wanna see her always. I wanna be with her through her good and bad times. Too bad I can't.
Hey, need to go now. I'll just write to you again. Maybe tomorrow--when I feel like writing again, and I hope with other stuffs.
4:31 PM
Just woke up! Surprising isn't it? Waking up this late. It's me. I always wake up late. Which makes it hard for me to attend morning and noon meetings from my organizations and groups. Obviously, I sleep very very late at night always, that's why I wake up late.
Anyway, it's been several weeks since I haven't played some hardcore games. It was like, last month. Why? Because of her and some financial problems. You know, I always prior her than any other stuffs. Then, financial problems came in. I really wanted to buy the new game releases like Assassin's Creed: Revelations and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, but too bad I don't have enough money. I still owe my friend a 300 pesos debt. Which is really troubling me right now.
The Christmas season and the New year celebration have just recently passed. But I didn't tell you... I mean, haven't told you my Christmas season. So, that's what I'm gonna write here now.
For the past few years, I have always dreamed and hoped for a perfect Christmas. Which, didn't came true. So, last Christmas season, I planned something else, which is the opposite, to have my worst Christmas season. And I think it came true. Only 3 persons gave me a Christmas gift--my aunt, tita and my mother. You know, many Christmas season have passed already, but no one had given me a gift I really like yet. Every time I receive a gift on Christmas, it is always money, slippers, shirts, bottoms, and other stuffs which I don't need. They don't know what are the things that I really want. Even though they know that I really like Computer and Music very much. People that surrounds me are really not sensitive as I am. The gift I really want are PC Game DVDs, Books about Computer, Music Books, Gadgets, DVDs of softwares and programs, and other stuffs related to music and computer. I hope this upcoming birthday of mine, someone will give me a gift that suits me. Not just clothes or money. But I think that it would be impossible since no one really cares about me, even if most people around me tells me that they do. But they don't, I know that. The only people that really cares about me are my relatives.
I wonder what I'm gonna do later and tomorrow. I got no plans. I think I'll just go at my tita's and play Computer there. Or borrow my tito's guitar and have fun out of it.
Jan. 9, 2012
4:06 PM
I'm sick. I don't know why, maybe because I don't have always enough time of sleep. Or maybe because I didn't eat my breakfast yesterday. Because of this illness, I wasn't able to go to school today.
Meanwhile, when I was sleeping at noon, I dreamed about her. I saw her in my dream that she went at home again and had a dinner there for the second time. What's exciting about it was that, she and my mom were having a chit chat. I've also dreamed of hugging her and whispering in her ears, "I love you". I wish it was real. I really want to hug her, just even once. By the way, I don't really want to say sweet words to her as much as possible. Why? I don't want to be a hypocrite just like with the other guys, at first, they always say sweet words. But when the time comes where they don't like the girl anymore, their sweetness fades. I'm saving my sweet words as much as possible. So that I may be able to use it when THAT time comes.
I got 18 days left for my birthday. But I'm not expecting anything on my birthday. I just want a peaceful and silent one. I don't care if I won't receive a gift or nobody greets me.
January 2012
Start from the beginning
