His Signs of Hatred

Reason To Hate (5)

Touch

...

A touch can be both painful and fulfilling. The touch that created harm can also be the same touch to create pleasure.

Pleasure and pain can come together to create whispers of regret and repentance. But it can also produce sounds of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Through touch, one can feel again.

"Touch my hand."

I commanded him as we stopped running above an old pond, in the middle of a small bridge.

Pansin kong gulat pa rin siya dahil sa biglaan kong paghigit sa kanya kanina. Napatingin pa siya sa nakaabot kong kamay bago muling tumingin nang diretso sa aking mukha.

His forehead wrinkled.

Kasalukuyan kaming magkaharap sa ibabaw ng isang maliit na tulay sa gitna ng isang fish pond kung saan ko siya hinigit.

"You're angry, right? Then touch my hand," I added. "Feel it..."

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to wash away the grumpiness on his face.

"W-what exactly are you doing, Harren? I'm not angry, and even if I am... it's not your problem to solve," he explained.

"Kaya hindi na lang dapat pansinin? Dapat iwasan na lang? Kapag nagalit ang isang tao, dapat pabayaan na lang?"

"But-" his voice hitched, then ultimately gave up as I stared at him.

He let out a deep sigh as he caressed my head. He even tried to fake a smile in front of me. "You shouldn't be worrying like this. I've been angry many times and trust me, you wouldn't want to be near me when I'm angry. That's the same reason why I'm taking Mr. Tanyi's class, remember?"

Bagama't bahagya akong nadadala ng kanyang pagngiti ay nagawa ko pa ring umiling at tanggalin ang kamay niya sa may ulo ko.

I guided his hands gently, sliding my fingers into the spaces of his until our hands fit together as I raised them in the air in front of my face.

I can only remember how determined I was to ignore him today because of what happened between us yesterday. But now, it feels like I cannot even take my eyes off him... especially when I saw him with the same anger that he had before at Mr. Tanyi's office.

Weirdly, I wanted to be someone... something that could be with him during the times that he is angry.

And maybe if I stay, he'll love-

Tsk. I immediately brushed away my thoughts as I stared directly at him, pushing all my courage to answer his question.

"Pero ayaw kong lumayo, eh. G-gusto ko kapag nagagalit ka, hindi ka magiging mag-isa. Gusto ko... may masasabihan ka kung bakit ka nagagalit. Gusto kong may mahawakan ka tuwing napupuno ka na... para hindi ka masyadong mapagod at mabigatan."

His eyes abruptly looked down after hearing what I said, his hands feeling stfifer as they paired with mine.

"Racer."

"But why?" he spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. "Sh*t. W-why would you want to do that?" his voice cracked.

Marahan kong hinawakan ang mukha niya, at mabagal itong ginabayan para muli siyang mapatingin sa akin nang diretso. I welcomed him with a smile as we met eyes again.

"Didn't I tell you before? I like how you look when you're letting out your emotions. You look... beautiful. So face me. The way your eyes stare when you're angry... I want to see it."