Matters Of The Heart--A PaNi FF

Chapter 6

I collapsed on the nearest chair as soon as I heard the vanity door close. I closed my eyes and concentrated for a while on just breathing in and out, rubbing my temples profusely. Breathe in. Breathe out. This was dangerous, more than dangerous it was unhealthy. I could not let him have that kind of control over me. Here I was, all flustered and nervous, my emotions all over the place, my body beyond my control, just because he happened to give me the light of day, after months of ignoring and pretending that I didn't exist. Our last two encounters , right here in this vanity, were etched in my memory in perfect detail, each moment, each expression seared with perfect clarity. The way the chocolate in his eyes melted when he was reassuring me that everything would be alright, the gentle way in which he kissed me leaving me wanting for more, the memory of his touch on my cheeks as he caressed it softly, the burning fire that seemed to ignite somewhere inside my body when he pulled me closer. What was wrong with me!

No, this was not on me. I had not initiated this turn of events. I was perfectly at ease with the situation that we had created for ourselves. Ignore and avoid, that was our mantra. It had taken me a while to accept the way things were, but I had made my peace with it, carefully burying all the unresolved feelings I might had had for him in the deepest corners of my heart. He had no right to barge into my life like this and invade my personal space. What had changed, my mind threw that question at me and I was forced to go over the last two days trying to find some logical sequence of events that would indicate as to why had he suddenly decided to wreck havoc in my life and the reason behind this sudden change. An image of Disha's devastated face flashed before my eyes followed by Parth's helpless expression as he had stared into my eyes that day. The expression that had changed into something more, something my mind rejected to understand. I recalled his own admission that they had broken up and immediately withdrew from this line of thinking. I didn't want to reach any conclusion.

"Ma'am, the shot is ready," the spot boy's voice made me jump and I instantly pushed all such lingering thoughts away from my mind. I gave him a nod indicating that I was coming and turned around to face the mirror. I refreshed the make-up, making sure that my face did not give me away and the volley of emotions that were churning inside me.

As I walked out of the vanity to face the camera, trying to concentrate on what was to come, there was a last unsettling thought still lingering in my mind that refused to fade away.

Why hadn't I stopped him?

" No, Niti, I am not feeling the moment. There is something missing," Shanshank, the director called out while trailing his fingers across his forehead. He looked at Parth and me in frustration and said " Let's take it from the top once again."

I cursed him inwardly and looked up to curse some more at the heaven above. Surely someone was enjoying this tremendously up there. I lowered my eyes to find Parth looking at me with an amused expression and smiling a crooked smile, mocking me. I ground my teeth together cursing him to the burning pits of hell. I gave him an annoyed expression, turning my face away from his handsome one. I heard him chuckle at that, but did not look at him lest I lose my self control completely and end up punching him right in the face. He wouldn't look so irresistible with a black eye, now would he? I balled my up my hands in tight fists just in case his smirking face drove me to do something I would regret.

It was a simple enough scene, not even as intimate as some others that we had done without batting an eyelid. Parth had to gently trail his hands up and down my arms while I had to just respond to his touch giving appropriate expressions, ultimately ending in a passionate hug. Compared to some of the more intimate scenes that we had shot this was a cake walk. But the director, he seemed to find something missing in my expression, like I was not feeling it from inside.