Definitely, Maybe, If Only

Prologue

A.N: Play the song above.

PROLOGUE

∞

"Augenblick"

-a decisive moment in time that is fleeting, yet momentously eventful and incredibly significant.

∞

The first thing November noticed when she went out to the clearing was the full moon and the twinkling stars. She could clearly make out some constellations that would normally have been hard to find without her contacts or glasses on. She couldn't help but stop, look up and soak up all of it- the cold sea breeze, the salty sea-taste that hung in the air, the powder white sand stuck between her toes, the bright full moon and the twinkling stars... it made up quite a picture.

And then she saw them. She saw the candles scattered around the sand, giving the normal powder white color a warm glow.

She tightly clutched the paper that she was holding in her hand. It was the same paper that told her to go down the beach. With the crumpled paper in her grasp, she walked slowly towards the candles. And now that she was near it, she could see that along with the little candles in glass holders, were red and pink rose petals strewn everywhere.

It was beautiful. Magical. And it was entirely unexpected.

"May I have this dance?"

Jumping at the sound of the voice behind her, November whirled around, straight into the familiar arms of the guy who told her to go there in the first place. Without waiting for her response, he held her hand in one of his as the other encircled her small waist and pulled her closer until she was pressed to him- chest to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. Their heads so close the top of her head brushed along his chin while the feel of his breath softly caressed her hair.

She looked up. And this time it wasn't the stars that held her captive, but something entirely different but just as compelling. Her eyes locked with those intense blue-grey orbs and she was lost. The sound of the waves became a distant echo in her mind as she sank deeper into his eyes with every second that went by.

He smiled at her in that way that was only meant for her- with a crooked smile on his lips and his eyes looking down at her with something akin to love. She knew her eyes betrayed her. He only had to look into them and he would know how she felt. The thought scared her. They both weren't looking for love and yet somehow they found it only to have to let it go after having it.

As if reading her thoughts, he leaned down and placed his forehead against hers as he squeezed her hand. And she couldn't do anything but feel as he suddenly started moving. She was a captive to the moment and to him.

"How the hell did you even pull this off?" she asked after a moment. She didn't really care how he did all of it but she wanted to hear his voice.

"Aaron and Kyle helped me," he murmured into her hair. The rumble of his voice reverberated through her. A smile curled at her lips when she heard and felt his husky voice.

"That must have been painful for them," she softly chuckled, imagining his two best friends who were both commitment phobic helping him buy the roses and lighting the candles.

"I think the word p*ssy whipped might have been mentioned a time or two," he dryly replied.

She laughed at that knowing he must have suffered a lot of ribbing. But he didn't seem to mind her laughing at him. He seemed to be occupied with leading her body as they danced and swayed in the sand.

"You do realize I never gave you permission to dance with me," her voice was disapproving but the smile on her face told them that she didn't mind his manhandling.

"You're not complaining," his breath whispered in her ear.

She shivered, "No, I'm not."

Holding her tighter than he did before, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and rested his chin at the top her head and said, "Then shut up and just dance with me."

And she knew the conversation was over when all of a sudden he started humming. Knowing it was the last chance they had together, she let him lead her. She let him hum as they swayed to the sound of his voice, not caring about their surrounding. They didn't care about who saw them, about what other people would think about, they didn't care about the dawn starting to break.

All they knew was the time ticking by as light came. Another day was starting and they only have a few stolen moments more before they had to leave. She didn't believe the moment could be anymore bitter sweet until she heard him sing the same song he first sang to her when they met.

We were fast car top down

George street singing

Bare feet slow dance,

Long hair swinging

Under the neon sky

Just watching the world go by.

She wasn't sure if he picked that song simply because it was the first song he sang to her or because it fit what that summer meant to them. Maybe it was both, she didn't know. She wanted to know. But as she looked up at him, she knew it wasn't the time for questions.

So she smiled at him and took the hand he was holding and let it encircle her waist just like the other one. And with both hands on her waist, she trailed her hands up his chest, to her shoulders until her fingers twined his neck, her fingers idly playing with his hair as they swayed to his voice, both lost in each others eyes.

We were laying by the river

When the moon started dripping

Finally figured out

What a boy been missing

Sinking into those eyes,

Wrong never felt so right.

And as he sung the last line, she knew. He chose the song because of what it meant to them. And she knew that he was saying goodbye. It wasn't just a dance, not a simple moment to add up to the many memories they had made that summer. The candles, the roses, the dance, the song was his confession and his goodbye.

She knew it was goodbye but it wasn't until that moment that she realized what that goodbye truly encompassed for the two of them

She knew the pain was coming just as she saw the sun breaking into the surface of the water. But even with the pain coming, she never thought about stepping away from him and leaving before the goodbye. Some people might think of her as stupid. Crazy. Masochistic. Because who would willingly lead themselves to heartache? But she was November McLane, and love was a luxury to people like her. She knew that even having it for six weeks was more than enough.

And so they danced for one last time until her feet couldn't dance anymore and his singing became just a whisper. Until the sun showed up and bathed the beach with light. The candles melted and the petals were blown by the breeze. And looking back now, even their footprints were washed away by the high tide.

As if the world didn't want anything to remember that moment by. But it didn't have to. Because they knew it was their final goodbye, to a summer they could never recreate, a place they could never return to, and a feeling they doubt they would ever feel again.