Illusion

p r o l o g u e

a.n / the piece above is small memory by Jon Hopkins. (the video is by someone called coldhopkins8million on youtube, so props to you for posting this) It's all piano and I listened to it when writing this, so I thought I'd attach it! You can listen if you want, I think it's quite good. :) xx

"Don't go," he whispered in my ear, so softly, and I was putty in his arms.

"Harry, I have to. I have to," I tell him, tracing my fingers over the ink on his bicep. "We never should have done this..." I trail off, knowing I can't finish. I knew it was stupid, we both knew it. But that doesn't mean it didn't feel right.

I lean into him and breathe in his scent of mint and cologne for the last time. His green eyes fixate on my brown ones and I take the time to remember every inch of his face, from the slope of his nose to the freckles on his jawline.

It's pouring by now, and his hair hangs down in a damp mess of curls, water droplets mixing with the tears on his cheeks. The rain continues to fall, drop after drop, but we don't move. We stay in silence, letting ourselves be soaked. I cry and he catches my tears as soon as they fall with the fleshiest part of his thumb.

"Em, look at us. We work. Sure we were never meant to happen. But does that matter? I can't see myself with anyone else. Just you. It's you and it always will be."

His hands finger my hair and I want to stay. All I want is to hold onto him and never let go. But life won't let us. It never has.

I shake my head fiercely, shivering in the cold. "I love you. I love you more than life itself. I love you more than I could ever tell you with words. God Harry, I can't live without you, I don't know how I'm going to."

"Then don't," he protests. "Please." His emerald eyes plead with me, and I picture them like how I did the first day I met him. Piercing. Sharp. When he looked at you, his face was so intent, like it took serious concentration just to take you in.

Then. Before either of us were hurt. He was carefree. He had everything he could ever want, the world was his. And he was just a picture in my mind, on billboards, in magazines.

I was just trying to start over and forget about what was back home. I was desperate for a new job, a new life. I was confused, naive, without a clue.

If I had a chance to go back in time, would I? Would I change this?

Save myself from the hurt, but deprive myself of the best thing to ever happen to me?

No.

Maybe...

My head was spinning.

I barely even notice as he laces his fingers through mine, kissing the tips one by one. "Harry..." Is all I can manage. My voice catches in my throat and I don't trust myself to speak.

"Stay..." Harry says, pushing my wet hair away from my eyes.

Cars rush past. People walk fast, an array of umbrellas crossing the street. They continue on, without a care in the world. They push by us, oblivious.

I used to love the on-a-mission way people in New York walk. But now I want them to stop. I want them to pull us away and be a distraction.

Forgetting would just make this easier.

But then again, I don't think anything will make this easier.

"You'll be alright, I know it." I bring my hands to his face. "Forget me. I'll be fine. I love you."

I can't bring myself to say goodbye. How do you? How do you just leave your whole world behind, standing there on a street corner?

The taxi parked on the curb honks loudly and the driver hangs out the window, threatening to double the fare.

I meet his eyes one last time and I try and take a picture in my head. I try to remember every little thing about these eyes...because I can't imagine not waking up next to them. I hope that when I close my eyes, he'll be there, smiling, laughing, just...there.

He leans in, kissing me softly, then passionately, then gently, all at once. Warmth rises up inside of me, making my head feel light and my stomach swoop, a feeling I'll never take for granted. His hand on my hair. The other on my back. Gripping the collar of his jacket, I hate myself for leaving. I hate this whole damn world for breaking us apart.

I finally pull away, avoiding his gaze. One last look and I may never leave.

I look anyways. He stands there, helpless. Soaking wet. But still, he hardly looks anything less than beautiful. Even now, he is like a bright light, the only thing in the room...or the only thing that matters at least. Everything about him is breathtaking. And I hope I never stop feeling that way.

I love you, he mouths.

I nod, attempting to stop crying. Don't cry, I tell myself. You can do this.

"Emery!" He yells as I climb into the cab. I don't glance back, but I pause and pick his voice apart from the honking and sirens and pouring rain.

"Don't forget us. Just don't forget what we had."

The cab drives away, rounding a corner, and he's gone.

I would never.

a.n  /  Ok so I wasn't planning on posting this yet...but with infinity being released and made in the am and all that...why not??? 

So thank you so much for reading my first ever part!!! I hope you enjoyed it, and if you have any feedback feel free to leave comments. I decided to write the prologue for this first as kind of like a piece from their love story and then I can rewind later and tell it from the beginning.

I would love it if you added this to your library and stuck with it. It will probably be fairly slow moving at first but we'll get through it :)

I love every single one of you for taking the time to read!

All my love,

tangledinhiscurls