funeral boy

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Dear Gracie,

It's hard to let go. And you, my Grace, are no different.

It was time, I suppose. Things end, people change. That's the great part about this world. The awful part is that there is so much pain. Everyone is suffering, all the time; some people are just better at hiding it. And I'm going to miss my life a whole lot. Because when I think of my life, I think of you.

We may not have always gotten along, and sure, most of our conversations were arguments. But you are the best friend I've ever had. I cannot thank you enough for what you've given me. You are not awful, like you think you are. You're this unique kind of pretty. The kind of pretty where your wrongs do not outweigh your right.

Don't forget to smile. To build yourself. To love. Do not shut others out because of me. Be true to who you are, and you and I both know it's not who you've made yourself out to be. Behind that strong exterior and dark brown bangs there is a girl who knows how to live.

You are forgiven. For everything you've ever done to upset me and not apologized. I know it's hard. For when I told you I loved you and you shook your head, smiling up at me. "You don't love me." You said, "you don't even know me." And I didn't deny it. "I don't even know me." Learn who you are. Learn that it's okay to make mistakes. That not everything is permanent, and that death is a beginning, and not an end.

Do not blame yourself; this is my doing only. Do not wish it could have been you. I know you will. I used to wish that my unhappiness could be placed on someone else's shoulders. Anyone's, I didn't care. I hated feeling worthless and broken inside. Now I realize that I wouldn't want anyone to feel the way I do. It's awful. It's hurt me for the past thirteen years.

You do not hurt like me. You are strong. My strong, beautiful, Gracie.

gracie found this letter taped to the roof of her house two weeks after shawn's death

peace homies