The Girl Who Saw Through Jem

Jem: First Dates (edited)

And I knew it then, out of all the biggest mistakes I ever made, this was the biggest and best one. I wouldn't take it back. I wouldn't take backing saying yes, agreeing with being her boyfriend, attempting a real relationship with Ellis who deserved someone who could give her more, shower her with expensive love, because I was selfish and I fooled myself into thinking this may work. I dared breached the wall of self-loathing and wondered if that somebody who wasn't so irrevocably fucked up in so many different shades like me wouldn't fuck it up. But spoiler alert:

I always fucked it up in the end.

-

In the midst of all the cheery summer Philadelphian days, there was one day where it eventually rained. I knew it would, kind of like how you knew you would one day go to college. Or not go to college. It was a knowledge deeply sown into your moral construct, like something you've been taught along with ABCs and 123s. There were too many sunny days in Philadelphia already so the rain was bound to come.

The bloated afternoon dampened my spirited enthusiasm. It was a shame because it was our second date since the Berkins Relationship-Initiation, if you counted the Berkins Relationship Initiation as our first date.

Was it our first date? Maybe I should stop overthinking this, like a fucking hormonal teenage girl fretting over her first relationship, or trying to put a label on whether it was our first date as a legitimate couple. Why did it matter anyway? It was still the same. Ellis still thought a relationship with me would work. She wasn't wrong about being a pragmatist.

"Hey," she greeted me upon opening the door to my face, "Boyfriend."

"Hey," I smiled, but I didn't say 'girlfriend' because...well, it didn't feel right and utterly arbitrary to call her girlfriend, my girlfriend, claiming her as territory or property. "How are you?"

"Good," she responded and pulled me in with a tug of her hand. She led me up the foyer and I saw Lula waving happily at me. "How about you?"

"Fine," I said, "But I wanted to take you to this place in this spot- we can't anymore, though. It's raining."

"So?" she arched her eyebrows. "That shouldn't stop you, Mr Leighton. As far as I'm aware, your determination burns brighter than Tabitha's crop top in pep rallies."

I smirked, shrugged nonchalantly, jokingly, and laughed, glad we slipped into this ability to joke and act as friends despite not being friends. "Fine, we'll head up. Bring something that would keep you dry."

Excitement sparked in her eyes, the fervour for my unpredictable adventures had her addicted as she lilted: "Where are you taking me?"

"Get changed, Porcey, and you'll find out."

"You just want to see me change," she remarked dryly, nudging me in the elbow as I tried to follow her into her room but she stopped me by closing the door towards my face. "Pig."

"That's boring," I remarked, "What happened to incorrigible?" I asked, and Ellis's mouth twitched in grudging amusement and exasperation as she held on the handle before slamming it. "I rather enjoyed the originality behind that insult."

"Oh fuck you."

-

"God," Ellis shook her head at the pouring water, falling like God was attempting the ice bucket challenge in the whole world. "You think sunny Philadelphia would at least last a week."

The rain splattered loudly on the car screens in a torrent of bullets, drowning out the car's radio no matter how loud I twisted the knob to sing out. The car I was using was Heath's, borrowing again. I always told myself I would save up for one, so I wouldn't have to bag off people constantly but I tended to waste whatever measly money I made away with booze and cigarettes. Since I stopped smoking, cigarettes had halted on eating up my income. It was the booze part that needed to be controlled but let's face it: that was not about to happen anytime soon.