His Hidden Wife (A Justin Bieber Story)

Chapter Forty Three (Andrea)

43 - Just This Time

'That's the lesson of life isn't it? It gives us one person who both, shows us that true love exists and that fairytales don't.'
- Leo Christopher

~*~

I was in a never ending pitch black vicinity. I didn't know what time it was or how long was I here. I just remembered feeling light headed while gasping for air; I remembered dad's frantic look and Elise's crying face before I closed my eyes and ended up in this place.

Was this heaven? If so, then why is this place so dark? Sure it was quiet, calm too, my breathing was even but somehow I still felt like something was forcing on my chest. It was uncomfortable though nevertheless bearable.

I never liked the dark but somehow, right now, it was making everything more peaceful. If I was in heaven, then I'm glad but somehow, I wasn't ready yet. Contemplating, I did wonder if maybe this place was somewhere you go to before you go to heaven; a place where you decide to stay or just go and leave the life you knew behind.

Am I ready?

Dad's face started to appear into memory. His heart is going to break. I know. I know dad like the back of my hand. He'll be devastated. Stephen and Scarlet too. They will cry. Even Aruella as well — though we have our moments of pulling hairs of one another, I know that cold heart of hers will still eventually feel sympathy. Ryan, Chaz, Nana... Can I leave them behind?

Justin...

I wonder how he is. I wonder if he's happy now with Selena. I wonder if he's excited or nervous about the baby. I'm sure he's okay though. I'm sure he's a little bit scared about the thought of having a family. His real one. I'm sure he's a little bit pressured of coming into public about Selena's pregnancy; he's a little bit anxious about what his beliebers will think about the news. I hope they'll understand. I hope everything will be okay in the end. He deserves his happiness now since he never really had one for a long time. I wish he'll find that though. I wish he'll forgive me for all the things I did and kept away from him.

I wonder how will he reacts once he knows I'm sick... Or died. Will he cares? Will he cry?

He said he did love me. I was important to him once then, so he will care right? He will cry too right? I don't want him to cry though. I don't want him sad. But I just wanted to feel that seeing those tears mean that somehow I was once a piece that completed the puzzle.

To be honest though, I thought he's going to follow or come after me, claiming me back again. Sure I wanted him to just go with my decision but a small part of me hope that maybe just maybe, he can't just let go of me like that; that somehow I was equally as important as Selena. He was heartbroken when she left him. He even followed and pleaded for her. He was devastated. He called for her even when he was asleep. But he didn't. He never came back for me.

I'm not mad. I'm not hurt as well. I just felt lonely for the past days. Even though a lot of people surrounded me, trying to cheer me up which I really appreciated, I guess I'm just waiting for someone else's presence, which I know won't come. It gets tiring to hope for something that's never going to happen. And I know I wasn't getting better as well.

I was happy when Elise came or when everyone visited me. I was loved by so many people. I am blessed. I was thankful really. But when the sky gradually gets dark and I'm laying on my bed at night, the emptiness was swallowing me in.

It gets better. I know.

It's the thought that making everyone happy was something that made me strive to live for the next days. And then this happened. Everyone must be surely devastated right now.