Exchanging Feelings (Phan)

8. It's the only way I can escape.

"Noo phil, I'm fine" he moaned.

"You need to, Dan, I don't know how many pills you took and you're obviously not telling me the truth if I ask, so you're going to vomit them now"

I realized I'd have to do something, and fast. I pushed 3 fingers on his lips but he struggled to get rid of my hand, but failed. He was very weak and even a 5 year girl would control him.

"What are you do-" I forced my fingers inside his mouth and down his throat and he choked a bit.

"If you're not doing it yourself then I have no choice, I'm sorry" I said, pushing my fingers further, until I was sure he'd vomit.

I held his head as he threw up in the toilet bowl. He hadn't eaten for hours, so he hadn't that much to throw up, but I couldn't care less. The only thing I knew was that he had taken pills and I didn't know what those were. That scene was heartbreaking, but I had to be strong so I could help him. I managed to get a cup in the sink and filled it with water.

"Drink this" I said. He didn't discuss and drank the water.

"Now you have to vomit the water" I said. To be honest, I had /no idea/ what I was doing. I just did what I thought would help to clean his stomach. I just had to do something, anything. I still don't know if the water thing helped but I was in panic and a little voice inside my head told me to do it.

I pushed 3 fingers down his throat again, and he vomited more. When he was done, I picked him up - and found out I was stronger than I thought I was. I carefully lay him in the bath. Some cuts were still bleeding, so I needed to staunch them.

"This is so embarrassing Phil just leave me I'm okay" he said

"Shut up Dan, I'm not going anywhere. It's okay, you'll be fine" I said.

I got a towel and started pressing it against his cuts, trying to ignore the fact that he was gasping and holding moans of pain. My hands were shaking but I managed to staunch all the cuts that were still bleeding. I knelt next to the bath and looked at him, sighing in relief - I knew he wouldn't die, if this was his intention. He was totally broken. I looked at my own hands that were all dirty with his blood.

"Phil I can't believe you're seeing me this way" he said.

"Don't worry Dan, just relax and calm down, everything is fine. I'm here and I'll take care of you whether you like it or not"

I took a deep breath and analyzed the situation. He needed a shower.

"You need a shower" I said.

"I can do it alone"

"No, you can't. I'm not leaving you alone in here again" I paused. "Let me take this off, it's all dirty" I said as I pushed his sweatpants down to his knee. I guessed that seeing Dan naked was nothing compared to the situation we were in. In a second he was completely naked in the bath - he wasn't wearing boxers. I used the warm water to gently clean his chest and arms, trying my best not to cause more pain. We were in silence for at least 5 minutes whilst I did that, he was too weak to talk.

"Can I wash your hair? I'll give you a massage" I asked.

"You don't need to, Phil, you've done enough" he said quietly, looking down.

"But I want to, it'll help you relax... C'mon, face the wall" I said. He turned around so I could be behind him. Once his hair was wet I softly massaged his head with the shampoo.

"Close your eyes and relax" I said. I knew some points that that helps on relaxing so I pressed harder on them, really just trying to make Dan feel good.