Some mornings, I wake up already tired.
Not the kind of tired that sleep can fix. The kind that just sits in your chest, heavy, before you even open your eyes.
I usually reach for my phone first.
Not because there's anything important to see—but because it's easier than thinking.
The room is always quiet at that time. Too quiet. The kind of silence that makes everything in my head louder than it should be.
So I scroll.
I don't even know what I'm looking for.
Maybe a distraction. Maybe proof that something good is happening somewhere, even if it's not here.
It doesn't take long before I start seeing them.
Girls my age. Some even younger.
They're opening shops. Traveling. Smiling in places that look soft and expensive and far away from anything I know.
Everything about their lives looks... certain.
Like they know what they're doing. Like they belong in the life they're living.
I pause on one post longer than I should.
She can't be older than me.
New apartment. Clean walls. Big mirror. The kind of space that looks like peace.
I stare at it for a while.
Then I lock my phone.
Because there's this feeling that always comes after.
It starts small, somewhere in my chest, and then spreads.
A quiet kind of panic.
Like I missed something.
Like everyone else got instructions for life that I didn't.
I turn to face the wall.
I don't want to think about it too much, but the question still comes, the same way it always does.
What am I doing with my life?
I don't try to answer it anymore.
Because I already know how that goes.
It just makes everything feel worse.
So I stay there for a while.
Not sleeping.
Not doing anything.
Just... there.
Waiting for the day to start, even though I'm not ready for it.
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WHAT STAYED BEHIND
مغامرةMay thought leaving home would fix everything. It didn't. She ran through university, friendships, first love, and the illusion of independence. She survived it all... until life brought her back to the place she swore she had escaped. Broke. Older...
