Fool's Gold [Completed]

19: Who You Are

Warning: There is a scene of a non-consensual act that could be potentially triggering in this chapter. Though it is not written in graphic detail, the lead up could be triggering. I will indicate where to stop reading for those who still want to read the remainder of the chapter.

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I stayed with my dad and Shaina for a few weeks following our lunch. I wanted to know him more and he felt the same about me, so it only made sense, especially considering I still wasn't sure I was at a point where I could forgive my mother. I knew that eventually I would have to return home and see her again. She'd done so much for me my whole life that I couldn't cut her out over one thing, but my anger was justified. She'd kept secrets from me, things that I had asked her about repeatedly, and she'd lied for years to keep me away from someone who could've helped us.

Despite feeling comfortable around Chester, Shaina was still distant. He had fit me into his routine as if I were always meant to be there, but it seemed like she was avoiding me. She was there for my birthday dinner for all of twenty minutes before she used the excuse of needing a good night's sleep before classes the next day to go to her room. I tried not to think much of it. I knew -- or hoped -- that eventually she would realize I wasn't trying to take him away from her, that I only wanted to know the man she'd gotten her whole life to know. After what dad had said about her feelings towards the situation, I could understand it, to a degree.

There was one time that my mother went on a few dates with someone back in the day and even if it didn't end up working out between them, there was a time when I thought that I would have to share her with someone else and I wouldn't be getting her full attention anymore. It was a selfish thought, I know. I wanted her to be happy, but she was all I had. Now I had Chester too, but Shaina? He was the only thing she had left.

It was the beginning of September when I finally made my way back home. I hadn't been sleeping well and even though Chester had helped me get medication that would hopefully counteract my night terrors, I realized after awhile that it was the mixture of things keeping me up most nights. The change of environment, the tension between me and Shaina, and the underlying guilt I felt for consistently ignoring every text and phone call I got from both Harry and my mother worked together to create a frenzied mind that made it impossible to stay asleep.

Harry had called me multiple times every night since the day I left. Each time, he'd leave a message, and each time I would listen before deleting it. I guess it was my way of punishing myself, listening to his voice. It used to bring me such comfort and now I felt nauseous at the sound of his apologies. What I would've given for this kind of attention when we were together -- were we ever really together though? -- instead of the infrequent bouts of communication.

Eventually I knew I would have to return to the life I had before I'd met him and, after awhile, the calls stopped. It was almost like he'd disappeared from my life completely, but I knew that the Harry I fell for would still be locked away deep in my subconscious. He was gone and that meant that life could carry on like normal.

Stepping into the club again for the first time in what felt like years filled me with dread. I knew that I'd get the chance to see my girls again, but I didn't know what to expect from Richie. In his mind, I was his girl and only his. If he knew that I'd been with someone else and that was part of the reason why I was gone for so long, he'd go ballistic. I had managed to avoid him on my way in, presumably because he was busy with something or someone else, but I knew he'd find out that I was back by the time I got on stage. I couldn't hide from him forever, especially not under his own roof.

I kept my head down as I made my way through the club, greeting the new bouncer at the front door and quietly wondering where Otto had gone. I hoped he still worked here, but who knew what had actually changed in the time I'd been away.