Vincent Territory

Chapter nineteen | Go

Yep, insane.

Insanity after all was doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. He choked me, I got angry at him for a while, then got over it. He threw me down, I got angry at him and now I was over it. He choked me a few hours ago, I wasn't able to get upset due to my passing out but here I was, over it once again. Nothing changed, he's still the same Payne but I hoped he could still just feel! Somethinh anything, for the sake of everything holy why can't he just feel! I wanted him to care, care about what he did to me, care about me but that's never going to happen.

I felt a tear fall from my eye and I quickly wiped it away trying to hide my emotions just like Payne did but I'm no pro and he caught it. Clearing my throat because suddenly I felt like there was a lump there and I couldn't breath.

"I-I don't know" I stammered trying to catch my breath. "I have hope." I tried scrunching my nose to ignore the feeling to sob, my eyes were rimmed with tears but I tried not to let them out. He knew I was weak but it was the least I could do to try to hide it.

"Hope for what Alexis? I want you to tell me exactly what you want from me." He insisted and I shook my head knowing that if I did get into everything I wanted from this man the tears will fall without end. "Tell me." He demanded but his voice wasn't hard as it could have been.

"You know what I want so why do you want me to say it?" I asked even though my voice was soft I tried my best not to crack on the words.

"We talked about this Alexis. It won't work!" He argued and I shook my head. My tears threatening to spill and almost doing so. I hated crying. I hated it so much but Payne made me cry so much it was unbelievable that he really was my mate. Actually not much unbelievable because if I wanted to survive here I had to believe it.

"You don't even try!" I argued back and he rose to his feet. Standing at his full lenght.

"I won't try something I know I'll fail at. I can't love you Alexis!" He yelled now and that hurt. The remaining pieces of my heart fell apart once more and a few tears fell. I felt even more expossed to him now.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I leaned forward and cupped my face in my hands as the tears fell profusely and the sobs began to rock my body.

"Don't do that!" He yelled and suddenly he sounded closer but I couldn't focus on where he was because I was too busy falling apart in front of him and hating myself for it.

"Alexis." He called and I felt that he was beyond closer to me. I slowly removed my hands from my face and swallowed back some sobs. The tears however didn't want to cooperate and stop.

He was looming over me when I looked up. His jaw set hard and his face unreadable as it always was but I could see from the pained look in his eyes that he felt something and that something was the reason I couldn't give up.

"What?" I croaked out and began wiping up the tears that defined me.

"Don't." He warned and I straightened up and cleared my throat.

"Don't what?" I challenged even though my voice was broken and soft.

"Don't. Cry." He ordered and his voice was cold and lifeless like this room. He was trying to make me back off because of his harsh tone but I knew better now. He wanted me to stop crying because he felt a way about it but he didn't know how to express it. I didn't understand why now though, it wasn't the first time he saw me crying but now he has a problem with it.

"Why not?" I kept going, hoping that he could express it in words. He couldn't and I knew it but it was worth a shot.

His eyes grew a lighter shade of grey and his body tensed up even more. His eyes weren't on me instead they were at a pillow next to me and when they refocused back to me they grew angry, he was done trying to think about explaining himself, he didn't know how and from the looks of it he preferred it that way.