Break your wall

Chapter 29

"If you fail climbing the mountain, stand up again and try to climb again because failing once doesn't have to mean you've failed forever" - @divergentpriorr

** Nicole -
It has always been fascinating to me that people actually only fall in love once in their life for real. That people will always have feelings for one person in their past and at the same time their having a child with their new husband or wife who they love with their whole heart. I have never had it like that, in Abnegation they thought it was too selfish to fall in love so I have never experience the feeling of being in love. Eric was my first love and I knew that I will always have those feelings towards him even if we break up and move on with our life's.
"What are you thinking about?" asks Eric and swallowed hard as he look up on me. I shrug.
"Nothing important" I say. Eric nodded and looked down on his plate again without saying anything.
"Are we..safe here?" I asks whispering the last, he looked up and met my eyes.
"For now on we are" He says. "But they will find us soon and then we have to run again" he explain to me.
"Where should we go then?" I asks carefully. He swallow.
"Candor" he says before finishing the lunch in his plate. I couldn't eat, I was scared. Scared that they'll find us and what they would do with Eric. Killing him? The thought scares me.
"I am scared" I confess and lied my hands on the table in front of myself. He looked up again, he nodded.
"I know you are" he said and lied his both hands on mine. I feel the heath on my cheeks when he touched me.
"Will they..." I pause and clean my throat. "kill you when they finds us?" I ask and tightening the grip around my own hand, feeling the sweat on my forehead and on my palms. He kept staring me in the eyes like he didn't want to tell me. He looked down on our hands and then back up at me.
"yes" he says and looked down on our hands. I felt my heart in my chest, jumping over a beat as I caught my breath. He knew.
"What "yes"?" I start. "So you know they will kill you and you are still running around like an idiot with me?" I say and removed my hands from his. He signed. He didn't look happy but at the same time he didn't look sad.
"Isn't it obvious that they will kill me, Nicole? I have as a leader been running away with an initiate" his voice slows down as he finish the sentence. If he would yell at me it would be less frightening but when he whispered I got scared, scared that he would hurt me for being so stupid, not realising that it was obvious.
"I never asked for your help anyway" I mumbled and stood up with the plate in my hand as I walked away from the table. I needed to be alone, thinking about everything. I walked up to my room in Amity and lied myself on the back in the bed with my arms out. I looked up on the orange roof before turning to my left side. I was thinking about everything that has happened, we ran away from Dauntless to beyond the walls but came in again to Amity were we are now. And Eric had confessed to me that if or when Jeanine finds us as she will with her big IQ they will kill him, no doubt. Just a couple off days ago he looked me in the eye and said that after this we would start a life together and raise our children. He had promised me and you don't break a promise.
Me and my negativity brain.
"Is everything alright, miss?" I heard a voice carefully asks behind me. I turned around and sat up when I saw it was Johanna.
"Yes, I guess, thank you, miss" I said and smiled. She smiled and took some steps closer me with her eyes on my right arm.
"How does it feel?" Asks Johanna and looked me in they eyes before turning to my arm again.
"I'm fine, I promise" I lied. She looked confusedly on me but nodded.
"Are you scared?" She asks. I nodded.
"Kind of" I says and shrug. "But I'm more scared of what they'll do to Eric when they finds us" I confess. She nodded.
"I understand" Says Johanna. I look up and meet her eyes one more time. She have me a smile before leaving the room. I fall on my back in the bed and look up in the roof. I was tired of running, tired of hiding.
I wanted to go home.