Just The Benefits (PUBLISHED)

Kabanata 26

What the actual fuck?

Hindi ako makapagsalita sa bilis ng mga nangyari. Todo pasalamat iyong babae at hindi magkanda-ugaga sa dami ng buhat niya na libro. She almost kissed Shiloah because of too much gratitude. Ako naman, muntik ko ng saktan si Shiloah sa ginawa niya.

Nung makaalis ang babae at mahimasmasan ako sa mga nangyari, I confronted him.

"Bakit mo iyon ginawa?" I asked.

He shrugged like it was the most normal thing to do. "I do that all the time."

"Like what? Pay for someone else's things?"

He nodded.

"What are you? A freaking fairy godmother?"

He shrugged. I've been getting a lot of shrugs from him lately. "Life is short and besides, I don't deserve every penny I have under my name so might as well share it."

"What do you mean?"

And instead of an answer, I got another shrug.

Lumabas na kami sa bookstore at hindi pa rin ako makarecover sa mga nangyari. Nadagdagan na naman ang misteryo sa pagkatao ni Shiloah. Bakit sa tingin niya hindi siya karapat-dapat sa pera na mayroon siya? At isa pa, ang swerte nung babae kanina!

I ran after him dahil medyo naiwan ako. When I caught up with him, I told him, "Madalas, hindi kita maintindihan."

He gave me a timid smile. "You're just not looking close enough."

Pumunta kami sa isang kainan. Shiloah insisted on paying for my food but I told him na ako na ang magbabayad. Dapat masanay ako na ako ang nag-aasikaso sa sarili ko. Dati kasi, si Parker ang palaging nandyan para sa akin. Ni ultimo grocery stock ko nga sa bahay, siya ang bumibili, e. Kapag sira iyong locks sa bahay, siya ang nag-aayos. Pati nga 'yung cable sa bahay, siya ang nagpalagay, e. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko sisimulan na alisin siya sa buhay ko. He's just everywhere.

"You're idling again," puna niya.

I gave him an apologetic smile. "Marami lang akong iniisip," I said. "Ikaw? Ano ang meron sa 'yo bukod sa gig mo later?"

He shook his head.

"Wala talaga?"

And I got the same response. It was hard getting anything from him at all. He's like this shell that I was trying so hard to open but every time I do, mas lalo lang itong nagsasara.

I wanted to ask him about his family but it didn't seem appropriate. At isa pa, hindi ako tinatanong ni Shiloah ng mga tanong na alam niyang ayaw kong sagutin... I guess I should extend the same courtesy kahit na sobrang curious na ako.

Pagkatapos naming kumain, tinanong niya ako kung gusto kong umuwi na. It was a Monday night at dapat maaga akong matulog dahil may pasok pa ako kinabukasan... pero naisip ko kasi na kung uuwi ako, iisipin ko lang naman si Parker. And I was doing my best to avoid that situation.

Pumunta kami sa isang bar. The place looked so cozy. May mga tao pero hindi sobrang packed. Pumwesto kami ni Shiloah dun sa gilid na wala masyadong tao.

"I'll just find Celine," sabi niya sa akin. I nodded. Iniwan niya iyong mga gamit niya. Ako naman, inilibot ko lang ang paningin ko. Dito pala siya kakanta... The place looked really good. I was still admiring the interior of the place when my phone rang. Nakita ko iyong pangalan ni Quin and I didn't have the heart to answer his call dahil alam ko na si Parker lang din naman ang pag-uusapan namin.

It was worthless to talk about him because I already fixed my mind. There was no going back. We're over.

The call ended. And then my phone rang again. The cycle continued.

From: Quin

Come on. Answer the phone.

Something was telling me to answer his call pero mas nanaig sa akin iyong instinct na iwasan siya dahil parte siya ng mundo ko kung saan nandun si Parker. I just want to cut all my connections and have a clean slate. Sobrang hirap ba maabot nun?

From: Quin

Do you still care about Parker? Kahit konti? Answer the call.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Dapat ko bang sagutin? Pero ibig sabihin nun, babalik na naman ako sa lugar na gusto kong iwasan. It took me my everything to break up with him... Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pang gawin ng isang beses iyon.

"Hi. I'm Shiloah and I'll be singing tonight." Napatingin ako sa stage at nakita ko na nandun si Shiloah. He was adjusting his guitar and then when he was done, he looked around until his eyes met mine. I gave him a small smile that he returned. "I'll be singing this song for a friend. I hope you know you've earned happiness."

You make it look like it's magic. Cause I see nobody, nobody but you, you, you. I'm never confused. Hey, hey. I'm so used to being used. So I love when you call unexpected. Cause I hate when the moment's expected. So I'ma care for you, you, you. I'ma care for you, you, you, you, yeah.

My phone vibrated once again. Tumatawag na naman si Quin. I took a heavy breath because I reached for my phone and ended his call. Tama na. Isang taon na ang binigay ko kay Parker. Panahon naman para ako ang sumaya. Ako naman.

This was the first step of removing him from my life. The first step in building a life of my own.

Cause girl you're perfect. You're always worth it. And you deserve it. The way you work it. Cause girl you earned it. Girl you earned it. You know our love would be tragic. So you don't pay it, don't pay it no mind. We live with no lies. Hey, hey. You're my favorite kind of night.

I smiled. He was right. I have earned my happiness. And I refuse for it to be ruined. And so I turned my phone off and listened to Shiloah's voice until the night faded like the memories of yesterday.