Fences

Chapter Nine: Carmen

Trigger warning: brief discussion of suicide at the end of the chapter.

Bucky didn't want to go into town but he was out of books. So he worked up the courage to ask his father for permission. His father agreed and sent him away. He slips into the car and Tony turns to him.

"Where are we off to today?" He asks.

"Library, then the cafe." Bucky answers, leaning back in the seat.

"Alright." Tony nods and turns away.

Bucky sits quietly, relieved to be away from his room for once. He watches the scenery pass by in a colorful blur. The drive is over too soon and Tony's parking in front of Banner's bookshop. He gets out and wanders into the store. Bruce smiles at him.

"It's been a while." He speaks. Bucky nods.

"Yeah. Got into a bit of trouble." He shrugs. Bruce nods. Bucky browses the books, running his fingers along their spines. He picks out a book series and carries it to the front. Bruce smiles at his selection and rings it up at the cash register. Bucky watches quietly. He puts the books into his backpack and slings it over his shoulder.

"Thanks. I'll see you around." Bucky waves. Bruce nods.

"See you around kiddo." Bruce waves back.

Bucky slips into the SUV and Steve slips into the passenger seat. Tony circles the car before getting into the drivers seat. Bucky stares at the back of Steve's head, admiring the way his hair turned nearly gold in the sunlight. That didn't last long though because the clouds began to cover the sun. Tony startles him by calling his name. He hadn't realized they were parked. Steve looks at him with concerned blue eyes.

"I'm fine sorry. Just kinda zoned out." He apologizes. Tony nods. Bucky steps out of the car and pulls his hood over his head, he was wearing his favorite black hoodie with a pair of comfortable gray sweatpants. He ducks into the cafe and looks around for a table. He picks one in the far corner. He sits down. The waiter comes over and nearly drops her pen and pad when she recognizes him. Steve and Tony sat together at a different table.

"Wow. You're like, really cute." She beams. He offers her a charming smile.

"Thank you." He speaks.

"Of course. How can I help you?" She asks.

"Just a hot chocolate please." He answers and she nods.

"Alright gorgeous." She chirps before walking away, swaying her hips in a way that made her look funny but she probably thought it was attractive. Eventually his hot chocolate comes and it's served by a guy this time, he liked like he was probably seventeen or eighteen.

"Wow. You're like, really amazing. I absolutely adore you." He looked overjoyed. Bucky nods slightly.

"Thank you." He smiles sheepishly. The boy nods eagerly before practically skipping away. Bucky finishes up his coffee and leaves a nice tip. He slips into the SUV again and shakes his head, droplets of water falling loose from his wet hair. He sighs softly and looks out the window. Steve glances back at him. Bucky watches the raindrops race down his window. Tony starts the car and they head home. Bucky was nearly to his room when his father called him over. Bucky walks into his fathers study slowly.

"Yes?" He asks quietly.

"You will go to the ball tomorrow with miss Romanoff." His father informs him. Bucky swallows and nods.

"Alright. Anything else?" He asks. His father shakes his head then pauses.

"You need to go see your mother. She misses you." His father answers. Bucky frowns.

"She can't tell me that herself?" He asks and his father looks up.

"Don't talk back. Go see your mother." He commands. Bucky nods and drags his feet as he exits his fathers office. Bucky wanders down to his mother's room. She hugs him tightly when he comes in then leads him to sit on the bed.

"You should lose some weight. Your thighs are much too big." She criticizes and Bucky nods sheepishly. He stays in her room for over an hour before she tells him to leave. He nods, barely holding back tears that threatened to fall. His mother had spent the entire time criticizing everything about him and he felt horrible. Bucky may have been able to hide it extremely well but he'd never truly liked himself and his appearance. He goes straight to his room and closes the door. He digs around in the back of his closet until he finds what he's looking for. He opens the bottle of vodka and takes a long drink. He plugs his phone into the speaker and puts on a playlist, a mixture of Bring Me The Horizon, My Chemical Romance and a bunch of other bands like them. He goes out and sits on the balcony, vodka in hand. He was halfway through the bottle and sitting on the railing when Steve came in to check on him. Dead! by My Chemical Romance was playing in the back ground.

"You know. No one should ever have to live like me. Famous, dumb, fake." He slurs, Steve approaches him slowly.

"What do you mean by that?" Steve asks.

"I could jump right now and it would be huge. Everybody would be covering the story but you know what?" He mumbles, staring at the ground.

"What?" Steve asks, standing beside him with his hands ready to grab him if he jumped.

"No one would know the real me. No one would know I have these reoccurring nightmares in white rooms with cameras where I always end up drowning. No one would know I hate being around other people. No one would know I hate everything I've become." He looks at Steve and smiles sadly. "But now you know."

"Don't jump Bucky." Steve whispers. "It won't do anything."

"Nah. I know. It's just a nice view." Bucky answers. "And I can't get down." He admits. Steve carefully picks him up and set him down on the safety of the balcony platform. Bucky sighs.

"I thought about it. I really did. But I felt it'd be giving up. I'm not going down without a fight." He tells Steve boldly.