I Love You, Goodbye (One Shot Story)

I still recall that day when I finally gave him my committment. That was February 15, 2009.

After ten days of being officially together he went onboard to work (international cruise ship). It wasn't easy. I honestly didn't know how to handle the relationship. Everything is new to me. So, I just let him be. Kung hindi siya ang tatawag, magtetext or magcha-chat, hindi kami magkakausap. Ganon ang naging set up namin for ten months he's been away.

Hindi naging madali ang lahat para sa amin. Hindi madaling magmaintain ng isang long distance relationship. Minsan may mga pagkakataon na hindi sapat na alam ninyong mahal ninyo ang isa't isa. Luckily we managed to survive our first year.

Nasa pangalawang taon na namin ng mawalan kami ng komunikasyon. I didn't know what happened. Wala kaming ano mang pinag-awayan. Basta isang araw narealized ko na lang na hindi na pala kami nag-uusap. Nagising ako isang araw na tinatanong ko ang sarili ko kung may boyfriend pa ba ako. The funny thing is, ganon din ang tanong niya sa kanyang sarili. He even thought I've already found someone to replace him in my heart. Kalokah! Sarap niyang batukan.

Pag-uwi niya para magbakasyon, I decided to call it quits. Nagsisimula na akong kainin ng mga insecurities sa relasyon namin. I wanted to protect myself from the possible heartaches. Kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko, uunahan ko na siya. Sadly, he agreed, just like that. Sakit di ba? Pero kwidaw...ang haba ng hair ng lola ninyo, dahil after three days, he called. He asked me if I can spare him even just a bit of my busy schedule. He wanted to talk. Ang may pagkadry kong jowa, nagrequest kung pwede daw ba kaming mag-usap. Dahil mahaba ang hair ko, pinagbigyan ko ang lolo ninyo.

We sorted things out. We agreed to make things work the way they should be. We had a heart to heart talk. We laid all our cards. This time kahit na bumalik na siya sa trabaho, mas panatag ako. Naging mas matatag yung committment namin sa isa't isa. Mas lumaki yung tiwala namin na kahit magkalayo kami malalampasan namin ang lahat dahil mahal namin ang isa't isa.

Pero minsan dumarating pa rin talaga ang mga pagkakataon na gustong gusto ko ng bumitaw. On his part may mga oras din na gusto na rin niyang isuko na lang ang kung anong meron kami. But, we managed to make our relationship worked despite and inspite of all the odds we've been through...

January last year, was the happiest moments we had. The next ten months went smoothly. We had our regular communications. Naging very vocal kami sa mga nararamdaman namin. Until, I saw that stupid picture on his (facebook) wall. My invisible antennae went haywire. Call me stupid for letting that damned picture affects our relationship. But, my intuition never fails me. Naapektuhanan man ako sa nakita ko, I still gave him the benefit of the doubt. I asked him about that woman, but he chose not to answer me. Mula nung araw na tinanong ko siya hindi na kami nagkaroon ng katahimikan. Everytime we tried to talk we always ended up fighting.

Leaving someone when you love someone

Is the hardest thing to do

When you love someone as much as I love you

Then, came that fateful day (November 20, 2012), when I decided to end our relationship.

Oh I don't wanna leave you

Baby it tears me up inside

But I'll never be the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

Bakit ako nakipaghiwalay?

I decided to set him free not because I've fallen out of love. Hindi rin dahil sa hinala ko na bukod sa akin ay meron pang iba. I loved him then, I love him still.

May mga pagkakataon lang talaga na kailangan nating gumawa ng isang desisyon at pumili kung ano ang iyong paninindigan. I chose to let him go even if it kills me. I chose to end the relationship while we still care about and love each other than to end it after we hate each other.

Baby, it’s never gonna work out

I love you, goodbye…

Hays, hirap mainlove. Hindi lang masakit sa puso, masakit din sa ulo. I may be a broken hearted girl, but it didn't make me a cynic about love.

Masarap magmahal at mahalin. It is one of the wondrous feeling in the world.

Mararanasan mong tumawa, umiyak, mainis, malungkot, matakot, magalit, masaktan...lahat lahat na.

Still, hindi man naging happy ever after ang ending ng aming love story, wala akong pinagsisisihan. For almost four years we've been together, alam ko na minahal niya ako sa paraang alam niya.

Maybe, we are not just really meant for each other. Or, maybe we are just both too proud to admit to ourselves that we still care and love each other. Who knows?

Well, I just hope he would be happy and contented right now.

And maybe, just maybe...someday when fate allows our paths to cross again I could say to myself... This is the man whom I set free because I love him deeply.

Isla

41513