Love, Debt And Lust

The End: The Journey That Leads To Love.

I slammed my car door closed in anger and with a heavy heart.

I knew I shouldn't have said all that in front of the man. I have no right, but I don't know what came over me; maybe it's the way she wrapped her arms around him that pisses me off.

But what do I expect? I know she might be seeing someone; a year was a long time, but my mind never goes to marriage!

I always believe in my heart that we are meant to be, and she feels the same way and would be waiting for me.

How foolish of me, right?

I drove for hours, going around the city. Reminded me of the night the opportunity was right in front of me and I chose wrong.

I knew my choices were wrong, but I hope they weren't.  Now Sarah has gone back to the 'Amanadian,' the people who saved her.

Here I am regretting all the things I did wrong, starting from the moment Sarah showed up.

I parked at the beach and sat inside the car for what seemed like forever.

The image of the ring on her finger kept flashing through my mind, and I couldn't help but scream loud and long, slamming my hand on the wheel hard. My heart wanted to bust out. "Fuckkkkkk!!!!"

I know it would take a while before she can take me back, and I was willing to face her cruelty, but seeing her with another man with a ring on her finger... I feel like I am going to die!

After a while, I had to come down from the car to get some fresh air because it felt like I couldn't breathe.

Resting my butt by the car door with both hands shoved in my pocket, my mind kept drifting back to her arms around him with the ring on her finger.

Despite seeing a hope for me in her eyes when I moved closer, I can't deny the fact that she's happy.

I was only privileged to see that look in her eyes once—right before Sarah showed up.

Now her face lit up when she looked at somebody else. "Hhaaaaaaaaah! Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!" What the hell have I done?

I went back to the car and slammed the door. Then I sat in it till I dozed off, till the sun came up.

I checked my phone. "Geez!" 08:37

I scoffed.

It's funny how history always finds a way to repeat itself. The last time I slept in the car was when I thought Sarah died.

"I'm losing again!"

                       *Joy*

After Nathan left, my mood was not the same; I tried to act normal. It's my birthday after all, and my man has to cancel his plans to be here for me; I can't allow my past to ruin this present moment. But at the back of my mind there were thoughts that wouldn't go away.

I knew Micheal had questions, but he did not ask; he wouldn't want to ruin my big day, so he only asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I replied.

I still don't understand what Nathan did to me when he moved closer to me like that.

I lay down on my bed that night for hours, but I could not sleep.

What the hell was that?

I knew I was over him; I am sure, but what was that?

My hand was on his earlier before Michael showed up, but...

I rolled over and then sat up on the bed.

The way his finger brushed mine while he was leaving triggered me, and suddenly all of the pain came rushing back.