The Binding Vow of Lazarus

Chapter 100

Suguru gave him a sidelong glance, lips tugging into the faintest smirk. "There's a logic flaw in that little aphorism of yours, Satoru. Since you and I are a part of the universe, we'd also be indifferent and uncaring. But you're not and neither am I."

Satoru stared at him then smiled. "Do you think any of this would ever make sense completely? It's really just talking in circles to get right back to the kind of, "if it makes you happy" thing. Why fight it, right? Just be happy. She does make me happy, that's not fake. I want to just let it be that way."

"Then let it," Suguru shrugged.

"Then I'll let it," Satoru said decidedly.

"No you won't," Suguru snickered.

"You're right, I'm already overthinking that now," Satoru sighed.

Suguru turned to the fire again. "You could just equalize with her," he said after a moment. "It's dangerous, apparently, but what if it gives you all the answers you need? Plus, she'd finally understand everything about you. Wouldn't that be what you want?"

"Yeah, but what if it changes her?" Satoru asked, "What if she can't handle it? I like her how she is! I don't want her to be more like me or something, I like her sweet and blissfully unaware of how bad it could actually be."

"That girl is far from unaware of our cosmic situation," Suguru snorted.

"What do you mean?" Satoru asked, brows knitting together.

"Do you honestly think she has no idea?" Suguru asked. "Even if we assume she knows nothing about this memory, do you really think everything that has happened to her her entire life hasn't affected her at all? I mean, just the things I've done should have..." Suguru grimaced, "... I'm constantly shocked by what she can forgive."

"I guess I've only assumed that she wouldn't get it because she's not like us," Satoru said with a sigh.

"She sees it her own way which isn't far off from us," Suguru shrugged. "She has the potential to change everything if she chose to. Her technique is extremely dangerous in the wrong hands and she has barely had her own time to grasp what that encompasses. She's fully aware that who she chooses to send back ties her deeper and deeper in with every pass."

"Oh! It's like that little dark magical girl show!" Satoru gasped, grinning at Suguru.

Suguru's brow quirked up. "Magical girl?"

"Yeah, yeah, but I can't remember what year that came out," Satoru huffed, "It was like 2010 maybe? Madoka... Madoka something. Anyways, it has this neat twist where—" Satoru stopped himself. Then he smiled. "Actually, I don't want to spoil it for you."

"Oh?" Both of Suguru's brows went up that time. "Really? It's that good? You usually spoil everything."

"Well, I'm trying to be more... I dunno, considerate," Satoru huffed. "Sarah got on my case about it." Suguru laughed behind his hand and Satoru glared at him. Then he sighed, turning back to the fire. "If it did change her, I don't know what I would do," he admitted, "She does something to me that I've never felt before and I don't think I'd be alright if I lost it now. I've already gone through this kind of loss before with you and I don't want to do it again."

Suguru's eyes dropped to the ground. He felt guilty again about all of their history, guilty for what could have happened and what this Suguru hadn't done. But wasn't that even more proof of how terribly this situation could go?

Suguru chuckled, "Oh no, you fell into another rabbit hole didn't you?" Satoru shoved at his arm and Suguru chuckled again but this time the sound melted into a yawn. He blinked heavily and Satoru sighed, giving him a little wave of his hand.