The Binding Vow of Lazarus

Chapter 71

Sarah stirred as consciousness returned to her. Her eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the sterile white light of the infirmary. She was in a bed she didn't recognize, in a large room alone, but this didn't faze her. She'd woken up in plenty of strange places before.

A familiar presence sat quietly beside the bed.

Her face lit up with a sleepy smile, and without thinking, she held up her arms like a child asking for a hug. "Hey, Suguru," she said softly.

Suguru's lips curved up for half a second before they twitched and faltered, pulling into a subtle frown instead.

Sarah blinked. Her arms stayed up for a moment longer before slowly lowering. "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice still sweet and light, confused by the shift in his expression.

Suguru looked at her as if the weight of the world had settled on his shoulders. Seeing her behave like this again was drilling home exactly what he'd done to her.

"I have some things to tell you," he said, "and I need to apologize for nearly all of it."

She tilted her head, still smiling—but it was smaller now, uncertain. "Whatever it is," she said gently, "it's okay, Suguru."

He winced at that. "No. It's not okay." His voice cracked a little, "and I don't think it ever will be, at least not for me. Not after what I've done to you."

Her lips pursed, but then she shrugged with a half-laugh. "Well, I'm still here and I feel just fine, so—"

"You're under a binding vow," Suguru interrupted, voice suddenly sharp and low. He stared at the bed sheets because he couldn't bear to look at her. "That haze you feel? That comfort? It's artificial. I—I've been microdosing you with Molly, ecstasy or whatever I could get as well. Just enough to keep you happy and just enough to keep you from asking too many questions."

Sarah's expression blanked, the light dimming from her face. Her eyes slowly narrowed in confusion. "Wait—what?"

He still couldn't look at her. "I've been acting no better than the people we're trying to stop," he whispered. "I used you and lied to you for my own ends. I was manipulating you and I never should have stooped that low, especially not with a friend."

She sat up straighter, the haze beginning to crackle and break inside her mind. Her head tilted forward, as though trying to steady itself under a sudden weight. "Suguru..." she said, very softly. "What exactly did you do?"

He took a shaky breath, then looked up at her.

"You have a cursed technique," he said carefully, "It allows you to die and be resurrected. Your body can be burned, and your ashes can be used to travel back to the moment you died. It's a form of temporal tethering." He swallowed. "And I forced you to take a vow that would make you forget all of this in exchange for you to feel high constantly."

Something inside her snapped.

Her eyes went wide. Her pupils shrank, and her hands flew to her head. She let out a strangled cry and fell forward, gripping her head with white-knuckled hands.

Suguru was out of his chair in an instant, panicking. "Sarah—!"

She doubled over, her body convulsing with nausea. He snatched the basin from the nightstand and shoved it into her hands just in time. She vomited violently, the sound of it wet and awful, echoing in the sterile room. She sobbed between heaves, shaking all over. Suguru reached out—but stopped, his hand hovering inches from her back. He wanted to comfort her, but how could he? How could he touch her, after this?

So he just stood there, frozen and helpless and more guilty than he'd ever felt.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, "I'm so sorry."