Dead Girl's Diary (SVU Fanfic)

2 • Statement

"Stay here," Elliot told Maureen, who was hugging her father, much like a little kid when strangers came around.

He closed the door behind himself and followed the detective and sergeant wordlessly.

Elliot found himself very numb, all the way to the morgue. He knew once his daughter went missing there was no way to stop her. Olivia was worried for him, without realizing she shouldn't do so. But quiet Elliot was a dangerous Elliot, something she learned years and years ago.

"Elliot," Melinda said quietly, ignoring the surprise of seeing the man after four years. "Is this your daughter?"

They all knew it was her, but Elliot didn't want to believe it. He nodded and Melinda covered her back up.

Elliot turned around and punched the nearest wall. It was a concrete one, so there was no damage, except to his knuckles. Olivia knew better than anyone that he didn't care and wouldn't get bandages for it.

"How did it happen?" Elliot asked, breaking the silence.

"She overdosed on painkillers so it wouldn't be as bad when she hung herself. No suffering."

Elliot didn't care if she suffered or not. The point was his youngest daughter was dead. His baby girl. He would not cry, not in front of these people, at least.

He nodded at Melinda and walked out of the room.

"I'll take his statement," Olivia told Nick. "Go back to work."

Nick wasn't comfortable leaving Olivia with a man who just fearlessly punched a concrete wall. "You sure?"

"Yes. He won't hurt me. He hurts walls."

Nick nodded and left. Olivia knew where her old partner went: to the roof.

She silently walked her way to the door and pushed it open. No matter how quickly or slowly she completed the task, the door would make noise. Elliot heard and knew it was her. Who else would come so slowly and quietly?

Elliot stood, watching the world below him, gripping the bar so tightly his knuckles were white everywhere they weren't bleeding. Olivia came up and stood next to him, just as soundlessly.

She was furious at him. She was so upset with him. She wanted to scream and yell and slap him across the face and make him hurt. She wanted him to hurt like she did. She had been through so much without him and she needed him. Elliot could sense she had to say something, so he said, "She got into some deep shit," referring to Lizzie.

"Like?" Olivia asked.

"All of a sudden she was acting out. She would come home drunk. She hid it as good as your everyday alcoholic. But she reeked of booze. She was having sex with all these guys. I don't know what happened. But one day she was just gone."

"Do you know who she would hang out with? Who knew where she was?"

"If I knew that...DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE TALKED TO THEM?"

Olivia wasn't all surprised about Elliot yelling at her. So she yelled back, "Well you don't seem to talk to ANYONE!"

Elliot didn't expect her to yell. But he should have. He watched as she whipped back to facing the city, her hands now colorless from gripping the metal railing. The man had so much pent up inside of him, and yelling made him feel a bit better. So much was happening, and he knew he had to sort some of it out.

"Liv, I-"

"No. You do not get to call me that! You lost that right," she snapped. It tore straight through Elliot's chest. But he had to continue.

"Olivia. I couldn't do it there anymore," he admitted.

"Do what? Sex crimes? Yeah I could tell when you dropped off the face of the earth."

"I couldn't handle the guilt. The shame. You."

You. "Me?" Olivia asked, unconvinced.

"Yes. How could I look at you when you would have never forgotten what I did? I shot a girl. A baby! She was just a baby!"

Olivia remembered that day. It was terrible. But she still felt no sympathy. "Worse has been done."

"Olivia, I didn't know what else to do."

He leaned down and felt tears behind his eyes, wanting to escape. He let them in front of Liv. He didn't care she didn't want to hear the nickname. It hurt like hell he couldn't call her that, but she was still his Liv. Always would be.

"You could've talked to me!"

With that, she walked towards the door. "I'll take that as your statement," she called back, before she left.

It was a very somber mood for the two detectives who did know Elliot Stabler. Lizzie was so bubbly and so cheery whenever she came to the precinct. She made everyone smile.

One question that formed in everyone's mind was "Why?"

Olivia went home early, unable to deal with the events. And by early, she meant 5AM. Lizzie had been found at 1:25AM that morning.

Just as she entered her apartment, she heard someone down the hallway. Still jumpy from Lewis, she pulled her gun out.

When she lifted and aimed, she heard someone say, "Liv, it's me."

She looked and realized it was Elliot. She still had the urge to pull the trigger, but Elliot slowly took the gun, unloaded it.

"It's just me," he repeated.

She nodded, working her key in the lock and just barely managing to get the door open.

They walked in and Elliot was confused by all the boxes. Olivia still had to work on moving. She just hadn't gotten to it yet. As soon as she was somewhat better after her kidnapping, she boxed everything up. Quickly as she could.

"Glad I got to you before you-"

"Shut up!" Olivia snapped. "Just shut up! Stop being my friend! Stop acting like nothing's changed between us! Stop acting like you didn't disappear when I needed you!"

"Liv-"

She slapped him across the face. "Don't. Call. Me. Liv!"

She glued her hands to her forehead and and demanded her tears not exit her eye sockets.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked.

"I needed to talk to you."

"I can't talk to you about the case."

"No. Not that."

"Then what?"

"I know it means nothing. But I came to apologize. I need to have you in my life again."

She glanced at him and raised her eyebrows. Then she looked away. "Bullshit."

"Liv, I can't do this anymore. Kathy left me. She said she couldn't handle me. Handle me. Do I need to be handled?!"

She thought it over for a moment. "Yes," she said.

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