Home: An Arrow Fanfic

Chapter 15

He watched as she sagged into the couch. "Seeing her, so composed and so incredibly beautiful, made me feel," her eyes met his briefly before they darted away again, "inadequate."

Oliver had a flash of Thea saying the exact same thing that morning. He grasped her chin and turned her face towards his. "Don't you see, Felicity? You're beautiful. Thisversion of you. Not only the one I saw last night. You don't need to compete with anyone."

Her face changed as she absorbed his words. "You're different to almost every woman I know – your mannerisms, your likes and dislikes, your interests, your sense of humour – and that's what I like about you. I like that you're different. That's what makes you special."

She sniffed and smiled tentatively. "You like the crazy?"

He smiled, feeling like they were finally on the same page. "My life would be a lot less interesting without it."

She laughed softly, for the first time since they'd danced the previous night. He realised just how much he liked the sound. "That's what you say now. Wait until Hanukkah and you find a Menorah and dreidels right beside your bow and arrows."

Felicity watched as a shadow fell across his face. "While fighting to stay alive, observing religious holidays is really low on the list of priorities."

She didn't know much about his time away. Although curious, she hadn't felt it was her place to ask him about something so personal. Oliver had always been a private man, and while he occasionally gave her and Diggle glimpses into what his life had been like, he'd never specifically talked to her about it.

"Your family will be happy to have you with them this year. So much more to be thankful for," she said.

"Why have you never asked me about my time on the island?" His question was completely unexpected.

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Dig, my mother, Thea, Tommy and numerous other people have asked, many times. Yet you never have." He looked at her strangely.

"It's none of my business," Felicity said simply. "If you wanted to talk about it, you would."

For a while he didn't say anything and she wondered what was going through his mind. What experience he was reliving. Whatever had happened, it had surely changed him. From what she'd heard, the Oliver she knew now was polar opposites from the one that had been presumed dead.

So softly she almost didn't hear him, he said, "I watched my father die. I was there when he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger."

Felicity gasped, horrified. That was the last thing she'd been expecting him to say. Instinctively she reached for his hand.

"He gave me the book with the names in and made me promise to right all the wrongs perpetuated by our family," he continued, after drifting for a moment. "It was the worst and the most frightening moment of my life. There I was, alone, drifting in a vast ocean and the one man I'd looked up to my entire life had just killed himself." There was raw pain in his voice.

Felicity was stunned. She'd never suspected anything as appalling as that. Understanding that he needed her to listen, she moved closer to him, slipping her arm under his and intertwining their fingers, as he'd once done.

"It was a few days before I found myself on land. But that wasn't even a safe place. My hopes of a quick rescue and a return to my life were dashed almost as soon as I was marooned." His laugh was bitter as he pressed on, "I was a pampered city boy. I knew nothing about struggling for survival. Something I learnt harshly and very quickly."

He looked at her then, his blue eyes dark, filled with tormenting remembrances. Staring into those pain-filled depths of despair, she'd never felt more needed than she did in that moment. "Were you alone?"

He shook his head. "No. There were three of us. I met them there. Yao Fei, Slade Wilson and Shado. We were hunted every second of every day by a rebel military group who claimed to own the island. The only reason we managed to evade capture was because we sought refuge on the remotest side, furthest from their base. Our home was inside the fuselage of a wrecked plane."

He turned their hands over, staring at the back of Felicity's. He ran his fingers over hers, slowly tracing their shape. "It was Slade who taught me to fight and Shado who instructed me on the correct use of a bow and arrow." He smiled faintly at some memory. "Without them teaching me how to defend myself, I wouldn't have made it past the first year."

Felicity shuddered at the thought. She couldn't even imagine what it must have been like for him to live in constant fear of dying. Her throat burned as she felt tears rushing to the fore, momentarily blinding her.

Taking a steadying breath she asked, "What happened to them?"

He closed his eyes then, his hand squeezing hers so tightly she almost yelled out. "They were killed. All of them executed. I still have nightmares about that day; how they made me watch my friends die while I could do nothing but stare in horror at their brutality." His voice was ragged, filled with so much hurt she couldn't bear it.

Felicity felt hot tears run unchecked down her cheeks. The kind of violence he must have endured at the hands of those beasts made her want to run around hurting everyone who'd ever caused him a moments pain. "Why didn't they kill you?"

Oliver's hands were shaking slightly as he replied, "They would have, but I managed to escape when the bomb we'd planted in their camp detonated. The last three months I spent on the island were in isolation. Everyone I cared about was dead and I feared I'd go mad."

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice trembling uncontrollably.

He shook his head. "Don't be. It was my punishment."

Felicity looked at him, confused. "Punishment?"

She watched his Adam's apple move as he swallowed, jaw clenched. "I killed people, Felicity. It was them or me. And so I did it. Initially I hated myself, distraught that I'd been reduced to killing human beings. But as time passed and I killed more, I was able to separate my emotions and do what needed to be done."

Felicity moved then, gently disengaging her hands from his. Then she did something she'd never done before. She stood and watched as surprised registered on his face when she straddled his legs and sat down in his lap. Her hands reached up and firmly cupped his cheeks, her gaze level with his.

Oliver sat dead still, trying to figure out how they'd ended up in this position. One look at Felicity silenced all his thoughts. Her eyes were flashing with anger as she addressed him. "Now you listen to me, Oliver Queen, and you listen well because I'm only saying this once." Her eyes bore into his, shimmering with tears behind her glasses. "Don't youdare blame yourself. You did what you had to. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be sitting here right now and I'll have you know, that just the thought of that possibility, hurts me deep in my soul." Her voice wobbled slightly. "All of those horrible experiences, memories I yearn to rip from your mind and cast so far away that they'll never touch you again, have made you into the man you are now. Honourable. Decent. Kind. Loyal. And those qualities are just the tip of the iceberg. So while I wish I could turn back time and change what happened to you, I can't be sorry that you've come out of it stronger than you've ever been, when you could so easily have spiralled the other way. I thank God for that. Just as every person whose life you've risked yours to save, thanks God for you too."

He watched, fascinated as her tears spilled over and fell down her cheeks. He couldn't speak because there were no words that could adequately express how he felt in that moment.

Instead, he showed her in the one way he knew how. He kissed her. A deep, drugging, mind numbing kiss that washed away his pain and conveyed his gratitude in a way that words never could.

In a corner of his heart where he hadn't known she'd been hiding, a tiny spark ignited, the flame growing brighter until it warmed him from the inside out. He was already past the point of no return. Felicity Smoak had slayed his dragons and lay claim to his most guarded possession - his heart.