The Mortal Coil

T W E N T Y F O U R +

© Amber Kalkes 2015

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"Dead Souls" By Joy Division

T W E N T Y F O U R +

Once I'm partially over Death's kick to my ego, I decide to explore the room. Of course, he shadows my every step like the specter he is as I look around. I choose to ignore him and make it very clear I'm ignoring him. He gives me little facts about the things I'm looking at but all he receives is a nod that I'm listening. As time goes on I can hear amusement creeping into his voice. He likes this little game we're playing. Of course he does. He just loves being infuriating.

Since I was nearly blind the last few years, I've taken to touching everything and anything I can. I couldn't see the things before me like others could but I still had my other senses. I could hear better, smell better and touch better. When I first found out I would become completely blind by my twentieth birthday I decided to make the best of it.

I tested myself, made myself memorize the many feelings, smells and sound associated with this and that. My mother would help me when she could but mostly I enjoyed discovering this other world by myself. I felt like an explorer finally seeing everything clearly for the first time despite not really being able to see anything at all. I guess, in a sense, I was feeling a whole new world. Noticing things others who relied on their sight would never give their time to.

Now though, things have changed. I can see and over the past few days it's become more and more bizarre. I feel like I've lost something. Like that world I has resigned myself to, that world of the unknown, that secret world, is gone from me. For some reason, this realization brings tears to my eyes and as I touch a beautiful tapestry on the wall the emotion only builds.

"Andrea," Death asks coming closer to me but I only shake my head at him.

"I'm fine," I tell him as I discreetly try to wipe away a fallen tear, "I'm just overwhelmed."

"Then you're not fine."

I let out a hoarse laugh, "I guess not, huh?"

"I know this is difficult. Being away from ones family is never easy but this isn't forever. It's just until we can neutralize the threat to you. Once it's taken care of it'll be like all of this never happened."

I turn around to face him and give him a small smirk, "Do you lie to me because it's supposed to make me feel better or because it makes you feel better?"

He searches my face before stepping closer to me. He reaches up and cradles the sides of my face in his hands. At first his lack of body heat was unsettling to me now, oddly enough, I find comfort in it. A low electric hum seems to move through my skin as he touches me and my body slowly begins to relax into him. This is worth, I think, losing everything familiar feels worth it as long as I can feel this.

"I will protect you, Andrea."

I watch his eyes go dark to match the fierceness of his voice but I'm not convinced. How can I be? If I think back on his reaction to Luca, what else can I conclude but the fact this could be hopeless. If he's as powerful as Death says he is, than what's stopping him from getting to me or opening the door enough for someone else? What is stopping anyone from ripping out the grace from my body and leaving me...empty? So far, nothing is. Nothing but a cleverly hidden medieval castle in the suburbs and Death himself giving sweet but impossible promises to the girl he likes.

"You don't believe me." It's not a question and in response he gets a shrug. I focus my gaze on the aged floorboards below our feet but he won't have that. He uses his grip on my face to make me look at him and when I do his eyes have shifted from that fierce black to a softer crimson.