I'm Yours: A YokRay Story

Chapter 11: Cracks 🔞

TW: Mentions of suicide, self-harm, just overall poor mental health and instability.

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Ray POV:

After that day I went to Yok's house, I'd been in a bit of a daze. I felt so incredibly numb after I'd locked my feelings away to hide my crazy.

It was necessary though, I didn't want my friends or Yok to see me for who or what I truly was. I didn't want them to know that I really was my mother's son. If they found out they'd ship me off to a loony bin where they made people like me wear straight jackets and live in rooms with padded walls.

My second year started a few days after I went to Yok's house. I tried my best to keep everything under control by going to class, doing my work and spending time with my friends like a good kid, but it all felt so empty.

I met up with Yok almost every week in the first few months of the new academic year, but they were just quickies in my car whenever we passed by each other on campus. There was no bondage or spanking - just hot need and desperation lasting no more than 30 minutes each time.

Even those little moments with Yok no longer excited me the way they usually did. I still got excited, but it felt faraway. It was like everything was muted, like my brain had completely shut down to protect me.

Drinking did nothing for me these days either. I'd turned to drugs and they didn't do shit for me. I was just so numb, almost incapable of emotion.

The next time I saw Yok on campus, he silently gave me a look across the quad. I knew he was asking for sex and I nodded slightly, trying not to let anyone pick up on the silent communication between us.

I may have liked sex with Yok and been able to occasionally hold a short conversation with him, but it didn't change the fact that he was beneath me and we'd never be anything more than enemies with benefits.

Besides - if I couldn't escape my father's clutches soon - I knew he'd marry me off to some business associate's daughter to preserve the wealth of the two families and have the ultimate heir who would merge two great empires. It was sickening really, forcing that life on someone and making it so your child couldn't even choose their own partner.

I never dated because I knew I was being raised to take over the family business and produce an heir who would do the same. I knew I'd never have a say in the matter so why bother falling for anyone?

Still though, the idea that Yok and I would never - could never - be anything more than we were sucked a little bit because I didn't want whatever we had to end. Yok was mine. He was my dirty little secret, my enemy with benefits, my toy, mine.

I shook my thoughts away and excused myself from my friends, saying I needed the restroom. I started walking towards my car, aware that Yok would silently follow me when the coast was clear.

I hopped into the backseat of my car that was thankfully parked under a tree in the far corner of the parking lot so no one would notice us. I threw my bag into the front seat carelessly and just closed my eyes for a moment so I could gather my thoughts.

I decided to open the door in my heart just a crack to let some feeling through. I wanted to feel Yok today. I wanted to experience that high in all its glory. I carefully pulled back the curtain, just enough to let a little bit out, just enough to let me feel the pleasure I knew Yok would give me.

Yok opened the door to my car and joined me in the backseat, jolting me out of my thoughts.

"Hey wildcat," he greeted me before pulling me into a deep kiss.