Before He Cheats (Work In Progress)

Chapter 23

VANESSA POV:

I was ready.

We suited up with our helmets, protective body gear, and face masks in no time. Once we reached the rage room doors after being pushed by the friendly attendant. I was hesitant to enter, a bit worried about the person I might turn into once I entered those doors. I stopped and took a deep breath.

I got this. Leap of faith.

I needed to embrace the dark side of myself that I've been holding back. Light and dark. Both parts existed in me, and I wouldn't be myself if I didn't acknowledge them both and the way that they've shaped me as a whole.

The best thing I could do for myself was love and compassion to heal my heart and make myself whole. Everything I needed was in me. I could do this.

I had no reason to doubt myself, and I was worthy of anything I wanted.

The journey hasn’t been easy or smooth, but I am curious to find out where I’ll end up.

Hope and consistency have kept me this far.

I stepped forward after I took a deep breath and opened the heavy doors.

The padded walls of the room reminded me of the padding I had to put over my heart over the past few months. It has been shattered, and I’m working on mending my heart, my center where love begins and ends.

It wasn't good for me to keep holding this in, and I am ready to move forward.

And with that being said, I didn’t stop the rage that took control of me once I started.

I threw vases, smashed glass, and beat the solid objects in the room using as much force as I could muster in my haze.

I couldn't stop; everything was hitting me all at once: the cheating, the divorce, the pain, shame, anger, the pressure, everything! I was done holding it in. I'm allowed to feel the way I feel, and it's safe for me to release these emotions.

I love you, Vanessa.

You are it for me.

Be my wife.

Stay with me for a lifetime.

It was all lies. I was sold a dream.

I couldn't stop the anger that poured out from me for what seemed like forever, even after what felt like a long time. I couldn't stop the tears either. After a while, I leaned forward using the standing baseball to hold myself up, taking deep breaths to cool down before gearing up to do another round. Tam put her hands on my shoulder as I got myself together, steadying me as I wiped my eyes. I had been carrying this for too long.

I threw more plates at the walls, but it didn't stop there; I found an old printer and launched it across the room, where it smashed into pieces along with a car tire, which bounced viciously off the wall. It helped to pretend that the printer was my ex-husband. I swear that my strength multiplied once I did that. I threw more heavy objects, rage and sadness pouring out of me in waves through the tears streaming down my face.

I left the rage room feeling lighter, with less pressure on my mind and less weight on my shoulders. A wave of calmness lingered throughout my body, and eventually, the exhaustion set in.

I was tired and wanted nothing more than to take a shower and rest.

On the ride back, Tam and I discussed our upcoming outing to volunteer at the upcoming STEM Olympiad and viewing of the yearly symposium performed by our local Wind Symphony, along with the upcoming vacation we were going on for my birthday.