Invisible String

46

His jaw tightens slightly, like he’s trying to stay calm but it’s freaking him out more than he wants to admit. I know he’s never seen anything like this. Hell, I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s jarring. The rawness of it all.

“I’m okay,” I whisper, reaching up to touch his arm. “It looks like a horror movie in there, I know. But it’s okay. It’s all part of it.”

He nods slowly, blinking like he’s trying to reset his brain. “Right. Yeah. I just—damn, Taylor.” His voice breaks a little. “You went through all that. And you’re still standing.”

“Barely,” I say with a tired smile, trying to lighten it.

He helps me into my robe, holding onto me like I might collapse if he lets go. Maybe I would. His hands are so gentle now, almost reverent, like he’s holding something fragile. Which I guess I kind of am.

“I’m never looking at you the same way again,” he murmurs, more to himself than to me. “You’re… you’re incredible.”

I press my face into his chest and close my eyes. “Can you just keep saying that until I believe it?”

He kisses the top of my damp hair and holds me tighter. “Forever.”

Travis helps me shuffle over to the bed, and I sit down slowly, every movement reminding me that I just pushed a whole human out of my body. My legs are still a little shaky from the shower, and there’s a dull, throbbing ache low in my belly that feels like it’s settling in for a while.

“Okay,” I murmur, reaching for the massive mesh underwear and the giant pad-ice-pack combo I left on the dresser earlier. “Here we go.”

Travis picks it up before I can and holds it in his hand like he’s just been handed some kind of ancient scroll. His brows furrow, eyes scanning the thick, crinkly material and the ice pack like he’s trying to figure out how this is even real.

“Wait… this is the diaper?” he asks, dead serious. “This is what you wear?”

I nod, completely deadpan. “Yup. Welcome to the glamorous part of motherhood.”

He blinks at it, then at me. “And this thing…”—he lifts the pad—“this is an ice pack? That you wear?”

“Yep.” I take it from him and start to fold it into the mesh underwear, my fingers moving like I’ve been doing this for years instead of just a few days. “Helps with the swelling. And the stitches. And everything else that’s going on down there.”

He sits on the edge of the bed, still holding the rest of the supplies like he’s in shock. “I don’t think I understood even half of what you were about to go through,” he admits quietly. “I mean, I knew it would be intense, but this? This is like… next level.”

I let out a breathy laugh as I slowly step into the diaper and ease it up my legs, wincing just a little. “Yeah. They don’t show this part in the movies.”

Travis sets the rest down gently and crouches in front of me, his eyes meeting mine. “You’re doing all this. Bleeding, in pain, barely sleeping… and you’re still taking care of him.”

My heart tugs.

He shakes his head slowly. “Taylor, I don’t think I’ve ever been more in awe of you than I am right now.”

I give him a tired smile, brushing my fingers against his cheek. “You kind of have to be in awe when your wife’s wearing a diaper and still managing to keep it together.”

He laughs under his breath, pressing a kiss to my knee. “Damn right I do.”

Just as I get the postpartum diaper adjusted and manage to pull on the soft robe Travis laid out for me, I hear the whimpering.