Kagome's secret (sess/kag)

Chapter 1

OK I'm rewriting this story....again. Well ACTUALLY REWRITING IT THIS TIME. (small update, its like three years later and have yet to finish, I am horrible I know.) 

     She stood in the cold air, her fingertips drifting across the glossy black box that sat in front of her. Fingertips gliding over the smooth surface in a mock caress. She looked to the sky, asking silently for the clouds to come down and swoop her away from this nightmare.

The box was cold against her fingers. Almost as cold as the being inside of it.

   It was late fall and the skies already showed promises of snow, the clouds were swollen with snowflakes that had yet to fall. She kind of envied the snowflakes. As stupid as it sounded, they had a single purpose; which was to float peacefully down to earth. They made it look so graceful, and here she was falling the same as them, but she was drowning in oceans of salty tears that stung her soul.

  She was an emotional mess that couldn't wrap her head around the reality of the situation, almost refusing too. Yes the snowflakes were graceful but she definitely wasn't. Her wandering mind  reluctantly moved from the heavens to the box at her feet. She brushed over the box one last time and stepped back, the snow-stiff grass cracking under the soles of her shoes. She watched with glassy eyes as her brother and grandpa lowered the black coffin, that held the husk of what was her soulless husband, into the ground. Honestly she didn't know what she was going to do with her life now.

   She knew she was torturing herself but she couldn't help it, letting her mind race. His skin was chilled, his heart ceased of pumping his strong Youkai blood through his veins. His lungs still and without air. He was actually gone. A thought so incomprehensible, it felt like she would go home and he would be there sitting on the couch waiting for her with open arms. Wrapping her in warmth to ward off the chill in her bones, whispering senseless baby talk into her stomach.

She could practically feel his warm breath brushing over her belly.

"Believing that I could have actually had a normal life was a mistake." Her voice was void of emotion while her mind was near hysterics.

  She wouldn't cry. She'd already cried herself to sleep so many times she wouldn't be able to cry even if she wanted too. He always hated it when she cried, he would make her laugh or flustered, just to see a smile on her face once again. She wondered how she would chase the tears away now. All thoughts flew from her head when a sudden pressure came from her abdomen.

Of course, how she had forgotten for even a second was unbeknownst of her. She hadn't lost all of him. Looking down granted her with the sight of the soft swell in her abdomen, yes, she hadn't lost all of him yet. And she was determined to keep the little bit of him left alive. He had left her with a blessing, a blessing that would keep her sane and happy.

Her lips curled slightly at the edges, a smile filled with true sadness twisting her face. A memory had crossed her mind, it was a painful one and she had to stifle the instinct to cringe from the fresh incident forcing its way to the front of her mind. After all it was the reason why she was in all this pain in the first place.

"Stop that incessant sniffling, you know I hate it when you cry." His attempts of normality were futile. He was dying and they both knew it, there was no point in avoiding it. She ran her hands across his cheeks fervently, trembling as she brushed hair behind his ear. It was a long lasting habit of hers, and in this situation her subconscious was grasping at straws to keep her grounded and within a sense of normality.