The Identity Problem •Luka x Reader x Adrien•

Flushed

Caleb beelines for a sofa far from the fireplace, spreading out lazily and pulling at his tie to loosen it. Juleka moved to look at the balcony pushing the large windowed doors open and stepping out into the night. I stood for a bit staring at the fire until Luka came up to my side and put an arm around me. Steering me to sit down with him on one of the plush sofas.

I shoot him a grateful look as collapses back into the cushions, similar to Caleb. Said blonde is already opening his mouth to remark.

"So does this year feel more overwhelming than usual or is it just me?"

I nod grimly pinching the bridge of my nose in an attempt to lessen some of the tension.

"Overwhelming for you? I haven't sat down in the last two hours."

"You didn't have to make small talk with the blondies while Poppy was watching."

If I were closer to him I would attempt to swat him, for now, I take a deep breath and look at Luka.

"Sorry, I've been M.I.A."

"Wasn't your fault you didn't really have a choice for most of it."

I can't find anything to argue back with and his eyes travel down my face discerningly. Slowly as if he's nervous someone will notice, his hand makes its way up to the back of my neck. Taking it in his palm, he runs reassuring circles around the side. It's meant to be reassuring, I know this.

But all I can think about is how large his hand is and the warmth of it lightly gripping my neck.

I turn back to face the fireplace. Through my peripheral, he watches the way my face flushes with fond satisfaction. We sit like this for a while our little group enjoys the first few moments of silence we've had in the last few hours. Juleka joins us eventually plopping down on the couch with Caleb and shrugging off her shoes to flex her toes.

I get a notification on my phone from Adrien asking for directions to where we are. I sigh, it wasn't a simple fix you have to take multiple turns and doorways.

"Caleb you think you can go grab Felix and Adrien, I don't want to go out there myself or Poppy might grab me."

He nods, moving his stand and straightening his suit. Juleka gives her brother a look that I don't even want to know what it means before standing as well.

"I'll go too, I want to get some water."

No one points out the fact that she could have sent Caleb to grab it, and at this point, I'm too tired to fight. The two of them flit out of the room hurriedly. I look to Luka immediately.

"So what's that about?"

His hand is still on my neck so it moves immediately when I turn to face him, he simply lets his eyes lazily trail up my frame. Face illuminated by the glow of the fireplace.

"I'm not sure but I'm not complaining about some alone time with you. Unless you are?"

"No, I'm just tired of everyone having an agenda tonight."

"Like with Adrien and Felix?"

My gaze drifted off past him, somewhere over his right shoulder. My mind drifts back to my conversation with Adrien a few moments ago. I feel my stomach clench, but the feeling subsides as Luka takes my hand in his and squeezes it.

I meet his eyes again, and he puts a hand over his own chest mimicking a deep breath. I follow his lead holding my breath at the top and blowing it out slowly. Luka always knows how to ground me. It's what I like about him, the calmness.

"I'm sorry if this night has been too much for you and Jul, it's been too much for me and I have to go every year."

He shakes his head with an eased expression.

"It's not but I won't lie and say that I don't feel a bit socially exhausted-"

He shrugs up his suit jacket and rolls up his sleeves in an attempt to quell some of the warmth in the room due to the fire. I find my eyes traveling up his arms tracing the veins that subtly protrude to his hands where silver rings and chipped black nail polish rest.

He is so refreshing to the society I'm currently being drowned in, and I feel as though I'm clinging to him like a life raft at this moment.

"-but I'm more concerned with how you're doing. You've kind of been tossed around like a rag doll for the last hour. I can't imagine you're on high tunes."

I sink further back into my seat, ripping my gaze away from his hands to stare at the ceiling.

"I just don't know what to do anymore. A lot of different people want me to be a lot of different things. But I just want..."

The words left my lips before I realized what I was truly saying.

"To be me.."

Once the words left my lips, I felt my heart quiver for a second. The honesty finally hit me like they weren't my own feelings. I didn't dare look at Luka, who I dragged here and suddenly dumped my baggage on when we should be having a fun night.

I struggle to blink back tears, to not ruin my makeup or the night itself.

"...and it feels like I'm failing at all of it. There is so much going on and I can't tell anyone about it. Or if I can tell them some I can't tell them all so they don't understand."

I sit up because now my breath is beginning to become shallow with how much I am getting into it. Luka watches on discerningly quiet.

"And everyone here always tells me how lucky I am to be here. And how lucky I am to have Poppy, but all I feel right now alone-"

I'm standing before my brain can catch up with the remnants of the habit of pacing when I'm overwhelmed. My chest is heaving almost comically, and I can feel the onset of a panic attack arising.

I rarely had them until my brush with death back during the movie theater flooding. Now they've been an annoyingly common occurrence even in situations where I wasn't submerged in water.

I barely stand to my full height before Luka puts a reassuring hand on the small of my back, his other taking one of mine in his. The tears are threatening to spill when I lock eyes with him, I shake my head embarrassed by my outburst and overall lack of composure but he's already one step ahead.

"It's okay, I know you try to be strong for everyone. But not me, you never have to do that for me."

He takes my other hand and puts it over his chest, resting on the buttons of his dress shirt.

"Can you match my breathing? In..."

He exaggerates a bit as he coaches me through breathing but it helps.

We're on the third pass when I hear the door open with a click.