Interlinked

Chapter 2

TW: Anxiety, emetophobia

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He collided with her stars and made them one, made them whole again as they were sinking into the void of a black hole. He slammed into them so hard that he sent her world along with his plummeting into the depths of the ocean. She never would have expected it would have been him.

But it was him, it's always him.

For as long as she knew it was always going to be him. So, without ever looking back they would both learn to swim together, in the trenches of the dark and through the pain of the Titanic. Holding onto each other's stars. Interlinked.

She had finally found her home. It was never four walls and a roof, it was home. All along he was her home to keep her safe from the midnight rain.

Waking up Amara ran to the toilet and threw up everything and nothing that she has consumed in the last week, it wasn't surprising, mostly normal if she thought about it, a daily routine you could even say. She knew it was the anxiety that racked her brain, the nerves that fed of every brain cell she has left. It wasn't that she was anxious about going to college or even doing daily things, it was what she didn't know that made her head spin in a million circles on a daily.

See anxiety is one of the crazy phenomena of life that one person can never really explain why it happens, where it comes from, even though doctors, therapists and every other person will tell you 'Oh you're just a bit nervous, it's okay'. But is it ever, okay? No. you will never fully 'be okay' when you have anxiety, it's not a sickness it's not a disease it's a natural response to every tragic thing that has ever happened in your life, death, separation, betrayal, mockery, the fear of the unknown. You can't just... stop it. It happens by itself, when you are staying afloat one minute and the next you are drowning into this deep pool of emotions, drowning in the waves and mind flies in confusion. Anxiety grasps the lungs and world starts to blur. You are trapped. You start to let the water fill up your lungs, you start to suffocate, your visions go blurry, your heart starts to pound a million times a second. Until you freeze. Frozen in time wondering if you'll sink or swim.

Wiping her mouth and brushing her teeth, Amara did her useless fucking routine her therapists told her to do when she has a wave of energy. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. Ballshit if Amara had a say in anything. It didn't work, it never did, every therapist she has ever been to has told her about this technique, but it was shit, trying to distract your mind but only making yourself feel even more anxious when you can feel 4 things or taste even 1 thing.

"Amara you are going to be late if you don't get your ass out the door" her overbearing mother barged into her room, seeing Amara stood there on her balcony watching the world go by. "Honey, are you okay?"

"Yes Mum, I'm fine, just feel a little sick that's all" Amara said without turning around.

"I know you don't want to go into college, but you have to you need to get out into the real world and stop holding yourself up in this room. And besides you are doing something you are really good at in college"

"I know Mum, I'm going I just needed a minute to gather myself that all. Honestly, I'm fine Mum please don't worry about me" Picking up her school bag and headphones Amara made her way to the door.

Amara made her way through the college corridors, with her headphones on and her mind in a world of her own. Her only focus was to get to leave this hell hole, classes done for the day and a transcript of a book she's been working on in her bag. "Hey Amara, I haven't seen you in a while, how have you been" Lilah stopped her. Now Lilah was one of the only people in this world that understood Amara, the only one that supported her, that didn't mind when Amara disappeared for weeks at a time when she was fighting with her own head. That is what made Lilah one of her best friends since she was 11. With her Blonde hair and blue eyes, and that warm presence that always surrounded her, that Amara never felt uncomfortable with her presence.

If Amara had to write about what a soulmate is, she would write about Lilah. The girl who came into her life when they were starting high school together, the girl who Amara was obsessed with and Lilah became her 'favourite person' just one day after meeting her, even when Lilah thought she was being too clingy, but never turned Amara away. Lilah is her Platonic Soulmate. Someone that comes into your life and suddenly becomes your best friend, your soulmate, a platonic relationship. The person who understands every part of you, that has held your hand through all your trauma and personal grief, that never turns you away, the persons that you can go to and talk to 24/7. But even when you don't talk to them for weeks or months on end that spark never leaves, Lilah just gets her. Lilah is the person Amara could never push away, even after the times they had silly arguments, she is the person that Amara could never fully explain and understand how much she means to her and could never get rid of no matter how much you try. It's a relationship that could never be parted. The trauma bonded friendship. Lilah is Amara's Platonic Soulmate, and always will be.

"Hey Lilah, I've been okay, you know, just trying to make it through the day" Amara laughed as she hugged Lilah and breathed in her sent, Roses and Vanilla, one of the most comforting smells Amara has been around. "How have you been anyways? I know I have been a bit MIA lately, but you know I'm forever going to be here for you Lilah, you are my best friend after all".

"I know Amara, you are my forever best friend as well, I don't want you to forget that. And I've been good, you know how it is, college work, dance, actual work. Just trying to keep life at the low right now. We all know how stressed I get when exams get closer"

"I get you; exams make me want to crawl up in a hole and die so I don't have to complete them" Amara laughed as her and Lilah made their way out of the building and to the bench Amara has claimed as hers.

"Trust me, I understand that so much, and between the pair of us, the anxiety filling both of our veins, we are a nightmare". They both sat on the bench, Amara pulling out her usual pack of cigarettes, this time offering Lilah one. It was both of their guilty habits, and another thing they both bounded on. "Anyways, how's the sexy brother of yours" Lilah winked as she lit her cigarette.

"Omg, Ew. Can you not call my older brother sexy. And he is good, I guess. I don't really see him around that much, as I'm always hiding in my room, as you know" Amara stared out and she took another puff, thinking she should really talk to Ajay more, as he worries about her the most. "He does come and check on me now and again, but again, he's the golden child, so we don't really mix" Amara and Lilah laughed, they both know it's true, it always has been ever since Amara was little. So, it was just another thing that Amara had to except, and she did. She thinks.

Suddenly, as Amara and Lilah were still both pulled into their own thoughts a shadow came in front of them. Him.

"I really hate asking you this for the second time, but may I please use your lighter again?" Mystery guy asked.

"Don't you own your own lighter or something? I'm only saying because you are wearing a suit that probably costs more than my house" Amara said with a sweet smile on her face, knowing she probably pissed him off.

Mystery guy narrowed his eyes as he stuck his tongue to the inside of his cheek, clearly irritated by Amaras sarcastic comment. "Can I please just borrow the lighter I can't be arsed to deal with petty little girls today" he grumbled.

"Call me a petty little girl again and I'll use the lighter to set your pristine suit on fire" Smiling again Amara cocked her head to the side. But she couldn't get over his face, she had been thinking about how godly he looked ever since their first encounter, it was a face that she'll never forget, one made by the god's.

"Right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't off say that" he sighed. "So? Can I please borrow it?

Amara passed him the lighter silently, as he held eye contact with her lighting the end of his cigarette. Fuck Me. No. Amara quickly wiped that thought from her head. Just because a ten out of ten who looks like he could ruin her world and save her at the same time held eye contact with her for longer than a minute does not mean those thoughts need to circle her head.

He began to walk off after mumbling a thanks and passing the lighter back. "Wait" Amara called out suddenly. Why the fuck did she do that.

He stopped and turned around not even answering, just looking at her waiting to say something.

"Don't you think I should know your name if you're going to steal my lighter on a daily occurrence?" he didn't answer just stared at her, looking at her up and down. "I'm Amara" she continued, hoping for an answer.

"I'm Grey" and he walked of.