Interlinked

Chapter 1

TW: mention of Overdose, mention of Disordered Eating

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She had always been afraid to love, terrified, scared, never wanting that disease to touch her mind body and soul. She had never seen real love, only in the stupid movies and books she devoured herself into trying the force of escaping from reality, trying to find her place to call home. But those "rom coms" always ended with death or heartbreak. So, every love she ever knew, real or not real, ended with the power of the devil cursing the soul of their life.

Until she laid eyes on him, those brown full eyes with nothing but purity, kindness and intense possession griped onto the blossoming heart of the girl so afraid. With a gentle kiss or even a wave goodbye he had showed her there was no such thing as being terrified of the immaculate beauty of love, Interlinked. Even though not even the power of God and the universe above could remove the underlying feeling and thought that he would just get up and leave.

No explanation, nothing.

Somehow, he had made her believe that he was worth whatever heartbreak that she knew she would have to survive, even if it killed her already decaying soul without speaking of death.

"Amara!"

"Sorry Sir, can you repeat the question?" Amara asked as she realised, once again, she had been lost in her own mind, a place where she felt safe, a place where her thoughts came true.

"If you weren't at the top of the class, I would be more concerned that you weren't paying attention" the professor whilst gesturing to the question written on the board.

"Apologies again, but why are we constantly analysing why Lady Macbeth profusely washed her hands, we all know she had gone mad, hallucinating, ofc she is not psychologically well after the murder of King Duncan! So, is there really any point of going over this for the tenth time this month?" She asked with a sweet innocent smile and proceeding to stare out the window that she was originally doing.

Amara loved reading, writing, anything that involved meaning through simple pages in a book. That the reason she took up literature in college, so she could feel useful, to feel as if she had a purpose, to be able to say everything she wanted to in her last 18 years, without even having to speak a word. Her older brother, Ajay, was much better at speaking and expressing any feeling he had, especially during her parents' divorce. She envied him for that, being able to be seen, for people paying attention and listening to him.

She was the glass child, the one who got overlooked, the one that never go appreciated when it came to things like school report cards or completing her final year exams in high school. She didn't hate him, she wanted to be him, to be heard, to be seen, to be listened to, to not be told to be quiet when expressing her opinion or when she got angry every time her parents used to fight and got screamed at just at much to go to her room.

She just wanted love, love that she has never received, she doesn't even know if she believes in love. Whilst her brother got everything, she got nothing.

The class ended, Amara took her time to gather her things and strode out the classroom with her headphones on, drowning out the sound of the laughs and happiness she heard around her, which she would never feel inside of her. No one noticed her anyways, not even the slight click of her black Doc Martins was noticed as she left the building.

She perched herself on her usual bench down the road to her college, hidden amongst overgrown rose bushes and trees. Pulling out a cigarette and her book, The Song of Achilles, she allowed herself to be pulled into the void of a world she could explore and feel as if her emotions were being played out to her and heard by a thousand people at once. These were the only time she could allow her mind to feel peace from the silent wars she was battling in her own mind, the wars that had dragged her down into darkness that she can't seem to escape. Alone with her mind, how she has always felt, even if she was used to it by now, she prayed to the god she didn't know listened that one day she wouldn't be alone anymore, that her wars would be put at ease and her soul can finally rest.