Radicle (Terminal trilogy #2, can stand alone)

8: Space for the night

"I don't hate you." I remembered to say to Tecie at last.

"When did you ever say that?" She said, sounding both confused and worried.

"Oh. I didn't, I guess. But I thought it a lot. So I want to reassure you that."

"I was a lot more assured before you said anything." She sighed.

"I mean, I don't just not hate you. I don't hate Hell either. Or demons. Not really, at least."

"That's nice of you. Want a drink?"

She handed me something alcoholic, and I decided to drink it as a way to appease her. She didn't make comment of my dedication to drinking the foul stuff, however.

"I joined a cult today, you know."

"Don't." She said softly. "You shouldn't do that."

It probably wasn't the best idea to tell Tecie everything, but I wanted to talk to someone. "It's not like I was recruited. I came to them. They worship angels, you see, and they were very welcoming of me. But it was the way they looked at me, so much in awe and respect, that I realized I couldn't stand to see anyone live like this. I mean, I don't like demons. You're our eternal enemies. But just because I feel demons are lesser, doesn't mean I want demons to... agree. I don't know. I just didn't like to see these people living in such a desperate state."

"You're not going to explain why you became the mascot of a cult, are you? But please, really please, quit."

"It's not quite your business. You know, as I was meeting those demons who were actually ready to worship me, I found I couldn't take much happiness out of the experience. Because on one hand, it played into my more private superiority complex. But on the other, with it came a total invasion of my self. They touched my wings, and pulled at them, and I had to mostly allow it. So you know, I was just thinking- these things go hand in hand, don't they? Both at once, good and bad. I guess that's why neither side can ever win."

"For either side to win, it would mean the complete elimination of the other though. You wouldn't have to worry. We're too scared of angels to force them into labor for us, and you are too disgusted by us to let us live."

"Yeah, I know. But I mean it beyond that. It's why I think this whole peace concept is purely a fool's daydream, at best. We can't exist together in peace. No matter how it spans, it is doomed for failure. It's for the best that we fight."

"I think that's a pretty harsh way to view these things. I like to believe in the goodness of mankind, in the end, and I think we can get along fine."

"But for how long? Because time is really the big thing here, you know. Imagine if we do get peace. Angels stay in Heaven, but swing by to visit. Over the years, demons die. Angels don't die, or age. A new generation of demons is born, and perhaps they aren't willing to uphold the peace of their parents. And so, war."

"Yeah, or maybe kids born into a peaceful society won't have warlike tendencies?"

"This is a city of war though. And imagine the second scenario, if you will- peace is reached, and we all decide to move down here for some terrible reason. Maybe Michael's rules have been broken. They certainly would have to be for peace to really reign, so imagine the angels start living here and taking on demon lovers and all that. And then time catches up. Lovers all die. Children die. Angels do not. In time, a new generation of demons is born that wants to understand one thing: why they live in a city with a constant static population of immortals. War, again, is the only outcome."

"Look, the future's going to be a mess. but that doesn't mean it'll end in bloodbath. Especially in the way you seem certain it will, with the children rising up and killing us all. Kids... aren't that violent. Well. Kids learn by example, and if we are peaceful, they are."

"You were a child in this city."

"Are you implying I'm violent?"

"No, I'm asking your opinion. You were born in this city-"

"I wasn't born in this city, actually. I was raised here. Adopted, actually."

"Oh?"

"Sales demons are supposed to work on basic morals, but I had accidentally been stranded. Both my parents were collected, but because I was already born by the time of the cycle renewence, I did not become a never-born. Instead, I was eight years old and had no parents. I was confused, since my house and memories and everything still existed of my life before cycles. But my parents had ceased existence. It was a mess. The cubi and hound who had dealt my case found me, though, and took me to Hell."

"So you met up with your parents again?"

"No." She seemed sad, but not really. It had been a long time ago. "They had been drafted into the army, and died there. But my sales team ended up adopting me, and they became my parents. That's where I got the last name 'Deadchild', you know. They called me that at first, a dead child left without parents."

"Why is it your last name then? It sounds like an insult."

"I guess it kind of is, but it ended up sticking. It's not on my official records or anything. I just go by it. My real last name before all this was..." She paused, looking almost uncertain. "Castellano. But my new one is Schulman. This was all what, a cycle and five years ago? So twenty-four years already."

"You're..." I had to take a few moments to do the math. "Thirty-two years old?"

"I don't look it, do I? Demons age very slowly. Half the rate, I'd say, and I became one when I was ten. Haven't actually used up my wish though. Been saving it for something really special."

"Have anything in mind then?" I couldn't imagine what I'd do with a wish. I didn't have a soul to sell, luckily, so it wasn't like I had to waste much time thinking about it.

"Yes." She said. "But I figured I'd wait."

I took another sip of the foul alcohol. I wasn't getting at all drunk from this.

"Can you tell me what Heaven's like?" Tecie asked.

"It's large. Beautiful. Spacious. Surrounded by woods on all sides. And the buildings themselves, well, they're not much to look at. There's not enough of them for everyone to stay in, so I guess a lot of us are used to sleeping outdoors and watching the stars. I used to do it a lot when I was a solider."

"I've seen it before, you know. Tell me what it's like, not how it looks."

"Well, everyone's friendly to one another. We know we can trust each other like brothers. If you're not out fighting in the field, an average day is lazy and relaxed. We all work for the sake of the community. If someone is tired or ill, we step in to handle the extra work. It's fun. You make good friends, even with your enemies."

"Like communism?"

"Not really. We work for each other, but mostly for Michael." I was surprised to realize I knew the meaning of the word.

"So, basically communism in practice, not theory."

"Whatever rude thing you are trying to imply about Michael, it isn't true. He loves all of us, and keeps us all in balance. Sure, sometimes that means removing people who don't fit into the system, but we all benefit from it."

"Isn't that a sort of dystopia though? A place where everyone is happy, and if you aren't happy, you're forced out?"

"It's not like that. We all can be sad, whenever we want. And we don't have to enjoy things either. It's rule breakers who are kicked out, and trust me, they deserve it. And even then, it's not some total-power situation- we have court and everything. Michael is the final-final judge, only taking part after the jury's decision. He is fair. And he knows law and order."

"Don't you get bored though? The same people and rules, forever?"

"What, bored? Between killing demons, maintaining crops, repairing infrastructure, sewing clothes and just keeping clean, we have a full life. And there are a lot of us. I still don't know everyone's name."

"So I guess you really are happy there?"

"Definitely."

"We should go to bed then." She said. She took my glass away from me, and I followed her down the steps.