You Can Have It All (Roses book 2)

Fifteen

A/N
This was a challenge to write, mainly because most of the time there was a cat asleep on my knee XD Add me on Snapchat to see the pictures of my struggles - plus music. My name is Bookishteenager
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I walked downstairs with Ricky. I wasn't sure what Simon and Sarah would say about this. I didn't know if they were even okay with Rick. I wasn't even sure if I was.
'You okay?' Simon asked me once we were downstairs.
I nodded. 'Yeah.' I said quietly. He wasn't the only one who needed reassuring over this. By saying it, I was reassuring myself. I was expected to be okay about all of this, but I just wasn't sure that I was.

'I've sorted it.' Ricky said to Simon.
'With her, not with me.' Simon said harshly. He didn't even seem like he wanted to look at Ricky.
'If you would listen, I could explain.' Rick said.
'Save your breath. As long as Hazel is okay, that's fine. I don't want you hurting her.'

Ricky drove us home in awkward silence. Usually the silences between us were good, but today was different. Neither of us felt comfortable. I could tell by the way Ricky wouldn't look away from the road. I looked at his hands on the steering wheel and noticed that his knuckles on one of them were grazed.
'How did you to that?' I asked him.
'It doesn't matter.' Ricky said, not even looking at me.
'Was it yesterday?' I asked. I wasn't going to let this go.
'I said it doesn't matter.' Ricky said, gritting his teeth.

He never used to be like this. He would talk to me about everything and anything, and he wouldn't talk to me like that. Right now, he was making me feel like rubbish. This wasn't the same Ricky I had fallen in love with. I wasn't sure I wanted to go back with him. I wasn't sure I could ever trust him fully again.

He parked on the drive to his house, and got out. He pulled my bag from the boot while I walked to the door. At least he could still be a gentleman - he hadn't lost that. 

I unlocked the door and walked in. Ricky followed me.
'Look, Haze,' Ricky said. 'I know you're still annoyed with me, but I want to make this work.'

I wanted that too. I wanted that more than anything in the world. It was a dream to be married to Ricky. I just wasn't sure if that dream wouldn't create a nightmare.

'I don't know why Hannah came here to do that. I don't know who gave her the idea, but I don't love her. I love you, Hazel. I have never loved someone so much.'  Ricky grabbed one of my hands. The same one I had taken the ring off. My finger looked bare without it. It was the same feeling I had when I first saw Rick with her - I felt like part of me was missing. 'I swear that the kiss meant nothing.'

Then I realised what the missing part was. Him. I was missing Ricky. He had been there for me for so long, and without him, I felt lost. I hated to depend on people, but after everything that had happened with my family, Ricky was always the one I fell to. Without him, I had been alone. If I took Ricky back, I could feel better. It could just go back to how it was. I could believe him, and believe that the kiss meant nothing.

'I need you.' I said finally, quietly. I wasn't even looking at Ricky, I had been looking down. I wasn't sure what he would say. I looked up slowly, but Ricky didn't say anything.

Instead, he just leaned in and kissed me softly. And I kissed him back. We could just forget about eveything that had happened, and carry on with our lives, it was the only way. And I was more than happy to forget.

***

I woke up to the smell of breakfast. Ricky was downstairs cooking bacon.
'Morning, beautiful.' I said, walking behind him and wrapping my arms around his waist.
'Aren't I meant to be the one to do that?' Ricky asked, turning around nad giving me a kiss, before quickly turning back around to carry on cooking the bacon.

My stomach rumbled at the savoury salty smell of the fatty food. I was a sucker for food that wasn't good for me. That was one of my main issues - I loved healthy food, but as soon as something fatty was put in front of me, any diet I was on would go straight out of the window and get hit by a car. I was that bad.

'Bacon cob okay for you?' Ricky asked, and I nodded. I loved it how he called them cobs. It was the same as what I called them. I had never gotten along with this whole idea that people call them rolls, buns, or baps. A way to my heart was by calling them the right way.

Ricky put the bacon into some cobs, put them on plates, then walked over to the table and put them down. There was already a cup of coffee waiting for each of us on the table. I didn't dare say anything about his kindness, because I knew that if I questioned him it would lead to more awkward silences. Today was a new day, and a clean slate for both of us. It was a chance to fix things, and carry on with our lives.

'So, what do you want to do today? I'm free from band rehearsals.' He said, before taking a bite of his cob.

We both knew how pleased he was to not have rehearsals. Simon never believed him, and he didn't care for what he would say. His friendship with Simon was wrecked. Simon was his best friend, and now he had gone.

'Well,' I said cautiously. 'Maybe we could sort things out for the wedding?' I almost whispered. I didn't know how he would feel about still doing it.
Ricky's eyes went wide, and for a moment I thought I had made a mistake, then he smiled. 'You still want to go through with it?' He asked. 'I thought... well, that you wouldn't want to after...'
'Ricky,' I said laughing, cutting him off. 'Of course I want to! Like we said yesterday, I want to put everything behind us and start again.'
Ricky smiled.

Was I really sure that this was what I wanted? No. Not at all. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I just guessed that this would make things better between us, and life would be easier if we were married. Plus, I had always dreamed of getting married, and now I had the chance. And I loved Ricky. I loved him more than life. So maybe it was the right thing. After all, do we always know that as soon as we make a decision it will be right?

I got dressed, and quickly went back downstairs to find Ricky on his laptop.
'Eager.' I said, laughing, then sitting down on the settee next to him, tucking my feet up.
'I was just checking out places. Of course, we'll have to visit them first, but I just wanted to see our choices.' Ricky said. 'It depends where you want to do it.'
'In a church.' I said straight away. I had always loved the idea of having a traditional wedding. White dress, pretty church. 'I mean, if that's what you want. It's your day as well.'
Ricky nodded. 'A church sounds good.'
'And then the reception somewhere else? Big hotel?'
'I think I might know the place.'

It seemed surreal that we were discussing this. Just yesterday morning I was refusing to even talk to him. 

Later on, we got onto the subject of people we wanted to be there. We both wanted a say in who was going, and who was being what.
'Bridesmaids?' Ricky asked me.
'Becky.' I answered. I knew I would want my sister to be there, even if the rest of my family wouldn't be.
Ricky nodded. 'Can I have input?' He asked.
'Sure.' I said. I wanted to make this fair, but I didn't want a bridesmaid I didn't like.
'Well, what about Rita? We're great friends, and I wouldn't want to leave her out.'
'Rita? As in Rita Ora?' I asked, surpirsed.
'Yeah.' Ricky said. 'How about it?'
I nodded madly. 'Of course! Becky will actually fangirl so much.' I laughed.

I couldn't believe this. It sounded like it would be my dream day. And even though I didn't have anyone to give me away, I had a pretty good idea who would...