The Last Case

Chapter Twenty-Four

Yama and Olivia became best friends. I caught my jealousy when Yama asked if I wanted to join them at the mall, but Olivia told her I don't like places with a lot of people and I'd prefer to work instead. I hated the fact she disincluded me, she was right, but I still felt left out. So I called Ethan over, the only time we hang out is if my sister forces him or we have to discuss work.
He arrived at my place in less than an hour. He was wearing all black, even a black beanie sat on his head, pushing his curly hair back.
"So she ditched you?" He asked, snacking on some of my potato chips. I slumped next to him, unbothered by his obnoxious smacking which I would have been if my mind wasn't so engrossed in the sadness of my baby sister not wanting me around anymore.
"Come on," He bumped his shoulder with mine. "She's growing up, she's got a boyfriend and everything now. She'll always be your baby sister, but let her be an adult too."
I buried my face in my hands. "That doesn't help, Ethan." I whined, I was still sad. Of course when she was a teenager she had loads of friends, but I was so busy with college that I was glad she had someone to distract her like I did. Now that we're both here together, it makes me sad to see that she doesn't want to spend time with me.
Ethan laughed which made me look up at him. "What're you laughing at?" I asked him, showing how serious I was.
"You're actually cute, you know that." He reached in for another chip, I pushed the word cute aside and glared at him. "Don't you ever call me that again." I say.
"What? It was a nice adjective." He smirked, munching on his chip. I ignored him and sat up. I brought my hands down to my ankles, sighing with frustration.
"Yama is a little weird, don't you think?" I asked, moving my hands up to my calves before turning my head to look at Ethan. He stops chewing and gives me a weird look.
"Yama? She's like cotton-candy. Sweet."
"You suck at adjectives."
"Am not." He paused. "I think you are very mean, and rude, and you have no sense of humor." I nodded my head at him. "Okay, should I hug your arm and say, 'marry me, Ethan, I want us to grow old together kissing babies and stuff'?" He smirked.
"Ohh, I like that." He smiled.
I rolled my eyes at him and looked down. "Well, I'm not like that, I hate the thought of liking someone in that way."
"What makes you say that?" He rolled the bag of chips up and sat it down on the coffee table. I looked over at him, trying not to sound like a pick-me girl.
"I dunno. It makes you weak. Love brings out the mushy side of you. Love makes you want to be everything for that person, so you start to change everything without realizing it. I noticed it in Olivia when she started dating her boyfriend. She stopped wearing her nails pink because he said it was too bright. She stopped eating fish because he was allergic to seafood. She changed a lot and I hated it. So I will never be with someone who makes me feel like I need to change." I paused and looked down at my lap, maybe I overshared too much. Ethan isn't Susan, why didn't I share that with her instead of the whole Smith thing?
Ethan grabbed my hand, his hands were soft, but I could feel the salt crumbs from the chips, it didn't make me pull away and I don't know why.
"If you were mine, I wouldn't change and I wouldn't expect you to change. It's the reason why I love you in the first place, why would I want you to stop?"
I paused, my heart was confused on the rhythm it was supposed to be in because it paused for three seconds before catching on. I stared at him for god knows how long.
"What?" I finally spoke, it came out dry and uncertain like my brain was telling my mouth to say something but my lips wanted nothing to do with it.
Ethan looked down at our hands and ran his thumb back and forth on the back of my hand. It was calming and soothing and I liked it.
"I said, I love you Leah. I'm in love with you." What the heck is going on right now? My partner of three years just confessed after I told him why I choose to be single. Do I like him? Can I picture myself without him? I don't even want to think like that, of course I can, I was born without him, I can live without him. But I don't want to.
"You don't have to say it back. I was just scared you'd slap me if I told you beforehand. But just then, you softened up for me, you showed me the nicer side of you. The way you love your sister. You hold the ones you love close, and I want to be important to you." He leaned closer. "To be loved by you."
I wanted to jump up and put a million distance between us. Mixing pleasure with business is one of the worst things you could possibly do, but I didn't pull away. In fact, when he leaned closer, I did too.
"That's stupid." I say softly which he made a small breathy laugh to.
"I know." His other hand brushed against my cheek. This was a joke, he was totally testing me to see if I meant what I said about dating. I was failing. Ethan knew he had good looks and not once has he ever really used them on me, now here I was, face to face with him, so close I could feel his breath on my lips.
I closed my eyes, ready to feel his lips on mine, needing to feel his lips on mine. I felt him let go of my hand, framing my face with both hands as he pulled me in until our lips finally met. His mouth moved with mine as we both fought for dominance. It was like breathing fresh air or getting heat after being so cold. Have we both waited for this?
He pressed his body against mine, pressing his weight against me as I laid back onto the couch, our lips never parting. His hands touched my face, my neck, down to my hip. I haven't been touched like this before and I was scared that I liked it. For once, I felt small, I felt fragile. Years of being independent, tough and cold. I enjoyed the feeling of not being any of that at all.
I touched him back, my hands running up his arms until they encircled his neck, pulling him down to deepen the kiss. He made a low sound, deep and smooth which made me melt into the couch.
What seemed like forever, he parted from me just an inch to press his lips to my neck. I swallowed hard, the feeling itself was perfect and new, that I pushed him away slightly.
"What's wrong?" He asked softly, his lips pink from our kissing.
I didn't really know what to say. I hated myself for pushing him away to begin with. I watched his eyes stare into mine with both need and concern. I was still panting from our mini makeout as I thought of a response.
"We can't. Not like this." I finally spoke. He paused, trying to understand what I said as if I were speaking a foreign language.
"Yeah, you're right." He climbed off of me, fixing his shirt. As I sat up, my fingers touched my neck, just below my jaw where his lips had been. I experienced a pleasure I haven't felt before and I stopped it before it could actually really begin. But we weren't ready for that. There's still so much that needs to be said before that comes into play.
He reached out and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. We both didn't say anything. There was nothing to be said.
He held me in his arms, making me feel small again, the feeling that I love now. We watched cartoons (his choice, not mine), his arms kept me safe, and I felt safe. For once, I was the one being found. He spent three years searching for a softer side of me, a side to love and one that can love him in return and I reached up and kissed him as he watched the show as a silent thank you.