Laws of Lust

Chapter 11

Chapter 11 - Reading Way Too Much Into This

"You know, your dad seems like a fucking prick." I just couldn't hold my tongue as Levi drove me home. The silence was killing me and we'd only been driving for a couple of minutes.

Ever since I met the man in Levi's kitchen, I couldn't shake this unsettled feeling in my stomach. He just set something off in me that has been bugging me ever since I saw him reach for a bottle in the fridge and even before when I had overheard his cold voice speaking about Levi to his mother. The bottle, however, is what really struck a chord in me.

When you've had an alcoholic parent, you've seen a very different side of the people who are meant to take care of you and shelter you. Typically, parents don't tell us everything when we're younger and sometimes they hide things from us even in adulthood. Telling us half-truths and white lies. They shield and protect us from the ugly things in the world. The part of it and them that a child shouldn't have to see. Normal parents don't always let their kids see the real sides to them, the angry sides and the sad sides. The scary sides. They are able to throw on a mask if they need to do so. To protect us from harsh realities.

This is the exact opposite of an alcoholic. My father was one. His alcoholism was brought on by severe depression. So when drinking got the best of him he was unable to continue throwing on a mask to hide the sadness, the misery. It was all there and out in the open for us all to see.

Seeing Levi's dad brought back familiar feelings. He seemed odd, distant. Unable to hide his thoughts and feelings. Maybe he's just an asshole or maybe he has a problem. Whatever it is, he definitely gave me some off vibes.

I watch from the passenger seat as Levi's jaw clenches. His leisure, one-handed posture on the steering wheel immediately turns tense as he brings both hands to the wheel and grips it with an iron grasp.

"He's not my dad." Levi's nostrils flare as he counters my comment. "He's my mom's husband. My problem, I guess, but her husband."

I'm hesitant to respond, sensing his tension on the subject, but the nerd in me needs clarification, details. "So... he's your stepdad."

Levi's jaw clenches again as soon as I utter the word "dad".

"He's not my- my dad is..." We stop at a red light and Levi's gaze drifts out his window, the tension in his body keeps his demeanor rigid. I can tell I've lost him to his mind but I can't help but wonder what he's thinking. His dad is what? Did he leave them? Has Levi ever met him?

The light turns green and Levi snaps out of it. He turns to me, a tense, mocking smirk on his face.

"I prefer the term step-fuck or step-douche. Plain old dickwad is also acceptable." He turns back to the road, shaking his head one last time of, what I presume to be, angry thoughts.

I smile a little but as much as Levi seems to be fighting it, that glazed, faraway look sits behind his eyes, waiting to be resumed as soon as I'm gone. But I guess that's not my business. I've helped him release his tension for the day and it was time for me to move the conversation along.

"Oooh I'm feeling step-douche. It has a ring to it, you know? It definitely suits him." I shoot Levi a quick smile but it soon fades when I see him staring straight ahead and shaking his head, once again lost in thought, memories maybe.

"Yeah, well, you should see the prick when he's drunk." He mumbles, surely not intending for me to hear. I notice his knuckles turning white again on the steering wheel.

I shiver. The idea of any type of alcoholic fatherly figure strikes a sadness in me. I look to Levi, empathy filling my eyes. The question that immediately floods my mind is never said. Something tells me that if I ask, Levi will shut me out completely or snap at me. His temper is awfully short...