Interlinked

Chapter 1

20 minutes after she had pulled out her book, on her second cigarette she looked up at the noise that rudely interrupted her escape.

"I told you that I need some more fucking time to think about it, you're asking a big thing from me, I don't give a flying fuck if your just my assistant! You can't expect me to hand over a thousand dollars to some random writer from down the fucking street!" Amara stared at the guy that had just came within vision, as he screamed down his phone at, she can just assume is his assistant.

"Oh, just fuck off, I'll be back in an hour" The guy hung up his phone and pulled out his own cigarette as Amara quickly turned her focus back to her book.

What a prick, I'd never want to publish by books with him, she thought. She assumed as much he worked at a publishing firm considering he didn't want to help a fellow writer.

"Just my fucking luck" she heard him mutter again whilst looking at her, God can this guy just shut up so she can be at peace for a little while.

Again, she looked up, containing a smirk of her own when she realised, he didn't have a lighter. Poor angry guy, I guess he deserves that after talking someone in that way.

Oh God, she thought as he looked over to where she was sat on the bench, with her legs curled up against her, book and cigarette in hand.

He started walking over to her and she had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes, as she knew what he was going to ask to use her beloved lighter.

"I really don't want to ask this, but do you mind if I borrow your lighter, please?" mystery guy asked.

"Oh, so you do have manners. I would never have guessed" Amara said with slight amusement in her voice. He rolled his eyes, but a smirk held his face as he looked at her up and down.

"Well apologies you had to witness my minute tantrum, but that assistant of mine hasn't been able to do one thing right for the last 8 months" "So, please, I kindly ask to borrow your lighter before" he held with a small but irritably smirk.

Amara didn't say anything, just looked at him, properly looked at him and took in his appearance. Dark, almost black hair hanging slightly over his forehead and eyes, almost in a curtain bang style, bright blue eyes, tall lean frame as the only thing he worse was a plain oxford shirt, where she can easily see the outline of his muscle as he breathed heavily. Hands decorated in silver rings and a chain hanging from around his neck.

"Because you asked so nicely" she passed him the lighter with a tight-lipped smile as the sarcastic expression threw gracefully out her mouth.

"Thank you, Darling," and that was the last thing she heard as she watched him walk away after lighting his drugs.

Sitting there staring off into oblivion once again, disregarding her book, Amara thought about how he called her Darling and how beautiful he was. 

"Hey mum, I'm home" Turning the corner where the hallway led to their small kitchen Amara walked up to her mum and placed a tender kiss on the side of her mum's head. Hugging her, even if it felt cold and unwanted.

"Hi honey, how was college, you didn't mouth off your teacher again did you?" Her mum said while continuing to scroll on her phone, like she does every day all day.

"Of course not, I was the picture-perfect student that you desire to have through your only daughter" Amara gave sarcastically grabbing a Redbull out of the fridge and leaving the room with no further questions or conversations.

Perfect, just how she liked it. The little conversations she has with her mother seemed to work the best with them. Ever since she came out of the Psychiatric ward just after her 18th birthday, hers and mothers' relationship was never the same. Even if it pained her that her mum was in denial that her only daughter suffers from a million and one conditions, Amara disregarded it as her mother being too overwhelmed to think about Amara's mental health on top of being a single mum.

Reaching her bedroom, she threw herself onto her bed, kicking off her boots and leather jacket, grabbing her laptop and bag and turning to the balcony attached to her room. That was the only part of this house she liked, being able to feel the breeze on her skin, reminding her that she's real, she's alive, she's fighting.

Sitting at the little table, pulling out her laptop and notebook, Amara began to write. She's been writing this book since she was admitted to hospital. It was the only way she was able to understand her own feelings, the only way she could let everything drowning her mind to be released, to breathe again. Everything that has been suffocating her was being taken away from her body and soul.

She wrote until her hands hurt and the music from her laptop flowed through her veins, like serotonin filling her body up with a burst of life. In these small but cherishing moments she was able to feel normal, to not be considered as a freak or inhumane for the way she looked or the way she never held back from what she wanted someone to know. Some would call it attitude, she called if not being fake, not pretending to be someone that someone wanted her to be. Even if no one listened to her, the day someone does, she wouldn't hold back to saying the things she needs to in the moment.

"Hey Pumpkin, writing again I see" Ajay, her big brother said as he strolled into the balcony leaning against the rails, looking over to see what Amara was writing. Pumpkin, the annoying nickname he gave her when she was 5, just because she wouldn't shut up about how Halloween was her favourite holiday.

"Obviously" Amara drawled, not looking up from the sentence she was writing. "What else would I be doing? Unlike you brother I don't have an amazing social life"

"Yes Yes, sorry dear sister, I forgot you like to be stuck in that little head of yours. Or has it grown bigger since I saw you this morning?" He snickered whilst rolling his eyes and turning his back, looking over the garden beneath them. "Mum wanted me to tell you dinner is ready."

"It's funny that the only time she remembers my existence is when she has to actually complete her motherly duties" she said raising an eyebrow at her brother. "Anyways, you can tell her I'm not hungry."

"Pumpkin..."

"No, no don't do that Ajay, just because I ate a massive lunch today and say I'm not hungry doesn't mean I'm going fucking crazy like everyone thinks"

Leaning off the balcony and taking a seat next to her, Ajay grabbed her hand as he forced her to look at him "I'm not saying that Amara, you know I'm just worried about you, you know? I know going back to school is hard and difficult after everything, but I want you to know I am here for you Pumpkin"

"I know, I'm sorry I shouted at you it's just frustrating everyone constantly watching over me, all everyone sees is the girl who overdosed on her bathroom floor one random Thursday"

"Just promise me one thing" he said as he hugged her. "If it starts to get bad again, please tell me, please don't hide from the world again, I love you so much Amara"

She didn't want to tell him that she hasn't been the same since, that her world is spiralling into one, that nothing seems real. She didn't want to break his heart if she told him that eating feels like a chore, that the pain doesn't end, that if she really thought about it, she finally felt nothing. So instead, she whispered as her brother embraced her "I promise Ajay".

And as her big brother left her room, leaving her with her mind reeling over everything that has occurred in the last year. Even though she has fooled everyone into thinking she is okay, that the days in hospital helped, that she's taking her medication every morning, Amara will forever feel as if her should is on fire and not even the ocean can put it out without drowning her.