Okay but hear me out. I fucking loved Brendon to death ! I just. I wasn't in love with him. Me and Brendon had been had been engaged for eh... A month now? Well either way it didn't matter. I couldn't marry him ! I would feel horrible ! Like I will always love him but I will never be in love with him. At least not like I am in love with Ryan. You see me and Ryan we have had a relationship. It was on and off for years until about last year when me and Brendon decided to give it a go. I felt bad that I still had feelings for Ryan but like I couldn't help it. Brendon yes is attractive and great to me and just so much fun and I did love him. I just wasn't in love with him. There was just something about Ryan. Hell me and Ryan had history ! My fingers run over my wrist where I had a tattoo. A tattoo that said "(Y/N) + Ryan". He had the same one on his shoulder blade ... I needed to end things now with Brendon. I needed to be with Ryan. Ugh I'm such a horrible person ! But than again i'm not ! My fucking god. I need to relax. I was frantically pacing me and Brendon's apartment. Brendon was out with Zack , Dallon and Sarah. To be honest I knew Brendon and Sarah were secretly fucking. But As horrible as it was I didn't care. I didn't care at all because all that mattered to me was Ryan. Ryan and his soft brown hair, his big doe like eyes. Just. Ugh. I will end things tonight with Brendon. But I also need to call Ryan. Like now. Last time I talked to him was right before Brendon purposed... I had told him me and Brendon's relationship wasn't serious... I guess I thought wrong. I pick up the phone and ring him. He finally answers. "Ryan?" ... "Hi (y/n) nice hearing your gorgeous voice." I started to cry. His voice. I never realized how much I craved him and his voice. "(Y/n)? Darling? Are you okay?" His voice laced with worry. "Y-yes. I just miss you. More than you think." There is a slight pause. "I think I do understand how much..." He trails off. "How?" I sniffle. "Because I miss you. God damn it (y/n) I have missed you every single day and it kills me! No , tortures me ! To know you are with Brendon and not me !" His voice raises. "Ryan. Are you listening?" I ask in a whisper. "Yes." His voice clear and strong. Like it used to be. His dominance was shown through his voice whenever he did speak. He would chose his words wisely. "I-I never thought me and Brendon were serious. He. Well he thought different. Now i'm paying the price." Once again there is a pause. "...and how are you paying the price?" He asks , his voice softer. "By being in love with someone else. By having to live a lie. Dont think I don't love Brendon.... I-I do. I'm just not in love with him. I- well- like- I can't describe it.... He just.... He doesn't make me feel like you make me feel." I hear his breath catch. "You are mine." He says boldly. "I-" I am cut off when I hear the front door close. I hurriedly hang up the phone, sitting up from my spot in the middle of the hallway against the wall. Brendon walks up the stairs and I meet him at the top of the stair case. "Hey love" he says kissing the top of my head. His lips suddenly felt uncomfortable against my skin and his voice wasn't as great as I remember it to be. Ryan had an impact on me like he always does. "Brendon.. We need to talk."
